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Sep 28, 2016
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Swear Wear and Tear
All words used to curse
Creating feelings adverse
Dump them in a hearse
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
OriginalRhyku
9 years 6 months ago
Weirdelf,
While I am not advocating that everyone follow the Rhyku Rules, I would like to express my strong disapproval of the abusive and inconsiderate language of one of the members whose frequent use of four letter words is akin to a rebellious teen who wants to shock the adults nearby due to unresolved angst. This person should undergo counselling and anger management so that those of us who want to express our poems in a respectful setting do not have to be subjected to immature, intemperate and inconsiderate tantrums.
Keith Logan
9 years 6 months ago
Gemma is right
about the rhythm. The first and third lines are fine but as for the second, I suggest dropping "that" from the start of the line and inject another word between "feelings" and "adverse."
Keith Logan
9 years 6 months ago
Your solution
is good. This is now a smooth read. Well done.
OriginalRhyku
9 years 6 months ago
Happy
To obtain your approval
Esker
9 years 6 months ago
all words to curse create feelngs adverse...
sometimes just a removal like a fretwork
thing for music or notes shall do
could add...all words "for" curse...etc
great little ditty though!
the most of poetry I saw before interweb land
was in high school yearbooks and washroom
stalls on my travels...
seems even poetry there is dying out..