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Jul 07, 2025
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Summer's Endless Battle.
There's a bloody fly annoying me
Buzzing round my room,
I've hit out with the fly swat,
I've hit out with the broom.
I've hit out with a shovel,
I missed and hit the wife
But I swear I'll get the bastard
And end his useless life.
Watch this space.
— Alex Tanner, Jul 07, 2025
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About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem adopts a humorous, colloquial tone to depict a familiar domestic struggle: attempting to kill a persistent fly. The rhyme scheme is consistent (AABBCCDD), which helps maintain a light, rhythmic pace appropriate for the subject matter. The escalation of tools—from fly swat to broom to shovel—adds to the comedic exaggeration, and the accidental injury to the wife introduces slapstick humor. The final line, "Watch this space," breaks the narrative and addresses the reader directly, reinforcing the ongoing nature of the "battle" and inviting anticipation.
For further development, consider the following:
- The poem relies on hyperbole for comedic effect, but the mention of hitting the wife, even in jest, may be off-putting for some readers. If the intent is to keep the tone light, exploring alternative mishaps could maintain humor without potential discomfort. - The poem could benefit from more sensory detail—describing the fly's buzzing, the frustration, or the chaos in the room—to heighten the atmosphere and further engage the reader. - The ending is effective in its abruptness, but expanding on the narrator's determination or adding a twist could provide a stronger resolution or punchline.
Overall, the poem successfully captures the exasperation and absurdity of a common experience through humor and rhyme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Punkyfrewster
11 months ago
Alex,
I thoroughly enjoyed this little battle with the fly. The part about missing and hitting the wife took me by surprise and made me laugh. Great job!
Alex Tanner
11 months ago
The Fly
Thank you Punky, It took me the time it took to type this in. Probably about 2 minuted. Wonderful what can be achieved when the mind is focussed. Alex
Jokerface82
10 months 4 weeks ago
Pahaha
Hope she's OK
Alex Tanner
10 months 4 weeks ago
She's Fine
Thank you Joker, take more than a spat in the head from a shovel to lay her out. Alex