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May 02, 2026
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starlight serenade
...here I am—oblivious
in the nook of a cottage
by a casement window;
a tattered chapbook in hand,
and with each verse consumed
my gaze pierces out through
the starry night... to a yonder
old light that guides no more
sentient burdened thoughts,
to comprehend one's existence
in patterns too vast to behold,
in search of spiritual concepts
across unconnected emptiness;
and the world, still spins anyway,
whilst I'm here, wandering astray...
so many light-years far away.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Geezer
4 days 20 hours ago
Welcome to Neo...
I felt the obvious oblivion that encased you in the nook of a cottage, looking out at the stars.
I suggest that you use a minimum of punctuation to direct the reader. the long run-on sentences do this no justice. I would suggest that you read your work aloud, make your punctuation work for you. Read other people's work to see how they handle the information that they give you. Make your statements stand alone by using periods and semi-commas, etc. ~ Geezer.
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