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Jul 18, 2026
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The Song of a Monarch
I miss him, with all my soul, with all my heart, with all my whole
He was like a sight of millions of monarch butterflies soaring across the sky
The kind that makes you want to cry
The beautiful orange rays that flew, warm and true
That would never make you feel blue
His voice, rich and sweet like delicate honeysuckles
Flourished in the air, atom to atom, pair to pair
The warmth he brings, gentle like spring
The moments we shared, tied by a red string, warm and comforting
I miss him, with all my love, with all the care we used to share
Even in the heavy dark, when I am left with despair
To feel him, see him, and love him, is what I craved
Until there came a day, I thought we couldn’t be saved
To give a second chance, was it right or wrong?
When everything about him reminded me of a love song
Lingering in the sky, like those monarch butterflies
Should it have been kept a thought? Just a fleeting memory?
But the notes of song, the notes of our love
Decided to sing a sweet melody, rising above
And it revived what was lost, into something anew
No longer leaving us cold-hearted and blue
But only bringing back the warmth that we always knew
— naelurecy, Jul 18, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Final polish
Critiques
neopoet
3 days 15 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's central metaphor of monarch butterflies is its strongest asset, and the image in the second stanza of a voice moving "atom to atom, pair to pair" is genuinely interesting — it attempts something more precise and unusual than the surrounding lines, and that instinct toward specificity is worth developing further. The red string detail also carries cultural resonance that grounds the emotional stakes briefly in something concrete.
The poem's main challenge is that much of its language reaches for feeling through familiar phrasing — "with all my soul, with all my heart," "warm and true," "feel him, see him, and love him" — which keeps the emotional content at a surface level. When grief or longing is expressed through phrases readers already know well, the poem cannot surprise them into feeling something new. A useful revision approach would be to pick one specific, sensory memory of this person — not what he represented, but something he actually did or said or smelled like — and build a stanza from that detail alone, resisting any summarizing statement about what it meant. The butterfly image already gestures toward this kind of grounded observation; extending that precision throughout would give the poem considerably more weight.
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Tink
2 days 22 hours ago
Howdy! I'm Tink
Welcome to Neopoet!
Thank you for sharing your poem. I enjoyed it. I did however, stumble a few times when a few verses didn't rhyme. I would love to see you revisit, read it out loud and see where you stumble. I'm hoping you can adjust it so it stays in flow for your readers.
If you have any questions, or you need help, please reach out. I can be found in our chatroom. We just launched our themed Chatrooms. Tonight is Geezer's Conversations with Killer. On Friday night I host Time & Titles with Tink. Hope to see you there!
Live, Love & Laugh,
(and don't forget to Write!)
Yours in Ink,
Tink
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