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Someone like my Father
Someone like my Father
Is the one that made me
60 years ago
With his holy hands
And placed me 60 years ago
In the planet earth
I already got used to the
Planet earth
And also
I am living my life
Here on the planet earth
The hot weather is living me
Lethargic
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo Kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem employs repetition and simplicity to evoke a sense of time and origin. The repeated mention of "60 years ago" and "planet earth" emphasizes both the speaker's longevity and their rootedness in the world, though the phrasing risks redundancy without adding new meaning or emotional depth. The line "With his holy hands" introduces a reverential tone toward the father figure, yet this idea is not further developed, leaving the reader without a clear sense of the father's character or the nature of the relationship.
The poem shifts abruptly from existential reflection to a mundane observation about the weather, which could be interpreted as a metaphor for aging or fatigue, but the connection is not fully articulated. The phrase "The hot weather is living me / Lethargic" is grammatically awkward; "making me lethargic" would be more conventional, unless the unusual construction is intentional for stylistic effect.
Overall, the poem would benefit from more specific imagery or detail to ground the abstract statements and from developing the emotional or narrative stakes of the relationship with the father. Exploring the significance of the father figure and clarifying the impact of the environment on the speaker could create a more resonant and cohesive piece.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
John Leslie O'Kelley
5 months 1 week ago
Poetaldo
I also have a spiritual upbringing, your thoughts of a loving father god, were very nice. Keep on writing and if you have time please comment on mine. Leslie