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Jul 29, 2025
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So It Goes
Yeah we went out today
I wore my favorite jeans
Your shoulder brushed mine
Not sure what that means
We sit in your car and laugh
At the people in horror films
You say I should watch your favorite
I can't say just how that feels
You might break my heart
Your name has a reputation
A boy with it broke my heart before
God, please let me love this relation
My parents say I'm moving way too fast
Yeah, they just don't get it like I do
Your laughter echoes like whispers
Baby, you're a mansion with a view
So if you're gonna bring me back to life
Change my tone to a vibrant hue
Just lock those pretty eyes on mine
Damn, never seen that color blue
Echoes whisper of all we haven't done
All the things I want to have with you
Your hands in my hair, breath on my neck
I know we're not there yet, this is all so new
Please, keep gazing at me with that look
I can't stop smiling, and I know it shows
Mind and heart, body and soul, I'm all in
I'm yours to keep, yours to lose, So It Goes
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoetâs AI:
This poem captures the tentative excitement and vulnerability of new love with a conversational and intimate tone. The informal diction ("Yeah," "Damn") helps create immediacy and relatability, though at times it risks flattening emotional depth. The poemâs narrative progressionâfrom casual moments to deeper emotional stakesâis clear and effective.
The use of imagery is straightforward but occasionally evocative, such as "Baby, you're a mansion with a view" and "Damn, never seen that color blue," which suggest admiration and wonder. However, some images could be developed further to avoid clichés or to deepen their resonance. For example, "Your laughter echoes like whispers" is a bit contradictory and might benefit from rephrasing to clarify the intended effect.
The poemâs rhyme scheme is loose and irregular, which suits the conversational style but sometimes disrupts rhythm. Paying closer attention to meter and line breaks could enhance flow and emotional impact. Additionally, the repeated references to external opinions ("My parents say...") introduce tension but could be expanded to explore internal conflict more fully.
The closing lines effectively convey commitment and hope, though the phrase "So It Goes" as a concluding refrain feels somewhat ambiguous; clarifying its significance might strengthen the poemâs thematic coherence.
Overall, focusing on sharpening imagery, refining rhythm, and deepening emotional complexity would elevate the poemâs impact while preserving its candid voice.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months ago
The title...
doesn't really grab me, but, it works.
Your language use, is straight-forward, a little plain, but
the tone of the poem doesn't demand anything fancy.
The focus is more on the emotional attraction for this person.
Not addressed directly to him, but in your mind; this makes it clear
that you are wondering why it's taking him so long to notice.
~ Geezer.
.
Alex Tanner
1 month 4 weeks ago
Hello Shelby
I would have liked to have seen considerably more punctuation. It helps the flow and rhythms. It could be a very effective piece. Alex