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Apr 24, 2026
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a small renaissance
A fog settles upon these shoulders
the cape that sweeps across the plains
the biting wind sings its wailing dirge
whose fingers pluck and scrape and snap
Once upon a breath so dreary
the banal landscape stripped away
a peril hunched in fitful slumber
morning promise not guaranteed
When golden shafts part the curtains
and birdsong fills the early air
a once dormant heart rises
thankful for a good cup of tea
.
— crypticbard, Apr 24, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively uses imagery to evoke a mood of transition from gloom to hope, aligning well with the title "a small renaissance." The opening lines create a tangible atmosphere of heaviness and discomfort, with the fog and biting wind personified through tactile and auditory sensations ("fingers pluck and scrape and snap"). This sets a vivid stage for the emotional landscape.
The middle stanza introduces a sense of weariness and uncertainty ("a peril hunched in fitful slumber," "morning promise not guaranteed"), which deepens the emotional complexity. The phrase "once upon a breath so dreary" cleverly echoes fairy tale openings, contrasting the mundane and the mythic, though "breath" feels slightly abstract here—it might be worth considering a more concrete or evocative noun to strengthen the line's impact.
The concluding stanza offers a gentle, grounded resolution with the "golden shafts" and "birdsong," culminating in the intimate, relatable image of a "good cup of tea." This ending grounds the renaissance in everyday experience, which is a compelling choice. However, the phrase "a once dormant heart rises" could be more specific or vivid to enhance emotional resonance.
Overall, the poem balances atmospheric description with emotional narrative, but it might benefit from tightening some phrases to increase clarity and impact. Exploring more precise or unexpected metaphors could deepen the thematic richness and make the transformation feel more immediate and personal.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Frederick Kesner
1 month 1 week ago
waiting until morning
Good timing, be fresh and rested (hopefully) by then.
Geezer
1 month 1 week ago
Wait...
How much more specific do you want to be?
"a once dormant heart rises". How else do you say that?
vandiemenspeak
1 month 1 week ago
Fine poem, and Geezer, is that you..?
AI is a terrible addition to to any critique of this poem.
It misses the obvious, and obfuscates the interesting.
Jeez, I've been away too long, but read this and, wow. Poe pops up for a start, but you extend it, beyond that, into love and more.
Also Geezer, is that you? It's been a long time, but it's great to to hear you're still out there.
A great renaissance, with a capital G.
Somewhere between here, there and Beaudelaire.
Very interesting, love the balance between the strict, and the susceptible. Good poem to return, turn back, to poetry.
Thanks,
Vandiemenspeak (Chris is less syllables)
Frederick Kesner
1 month 1 week ago
It's dawning
on me that this AI is not much to be desired. Just finding out what the deal is and how it works. "It misses the obvious, and obfuscates the interesting," is exactly what I'm gathering at this stage.
And yes, Geezer has been a reliable voice on this feed. Keeps me sane, really.
Poe was definitely one of the great starting points for a life's poetry curriculum. Will never forget the Raven and Annabel Lee! Baudelaire was quite interesting in school and nice to hear that some of him rubbed off here. Thanks for that excellent review, Chris (Vandiemenspeak) 🕊️🙏
Rik
Geezer
1 month 1 week ago
Do you mind...
if I call you Freddy? I think that the A.I. can be a valuable tool, if one doesn't take it too literally.
As I pointed out; for the mechanics of a poem, going by the 'rules', and helping to make one understood, the A.I. does a great job; so, let's not abandon it. Use it as it was meant to be used, giving us ideas about how to make our work smoother and more understandable, but not imposing its' rules on us. This is who we are, a community of dedicated writers who wish to be heard, communing with our fellow poets. Letting the world know, that you are never alone unless you want to be. I am grateful for the opportunity to help out. ~ Geez.
Frederick Kesner
1 month 1 week ago
Not at all!
Kruger works fine, as well! And yes, I have been humouring AI to see what it says and trying to understand the algorithm that it is set from. Sometimes there is a real mismatch, and my responses will hopefully be of benefit to the coders. Of course, there is also what can be gleaned from its responses as well. Be assured that I have abandoned no one, including myself, which is why there is friction and lubrication in the process. Also, I will stand for what I know I want in light of the external pressure and hopefully decide as to what the best outcome will be. My hope is that we all grow and benefit from the exercises and challenges as they occur and are engaged. Thanks, Geez, this is a truly valuable exchange.
Freddy
Frederick Kesner
1 month 1 week ago
sometimes
...those other voices makes one scratch the proverbial head. There was a downtime as well. Perhaps a newer/later model of GPT has been activated. Who knows. Probably learning more about them somewhat like Sarah Connor in Terminator. 🙏🕊️