Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
May 17, 2023
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The Simple things
A simple thought,
That sets off fears.
Spreading panic,
To create our tears.
A simple moment,
That sets our ways,
Casting time,
To ruin our days.
A simple word,
That sets off a lie.
Spreading hatred,
To make us cry.
But a simple smile,
And a single laugh.
Creates much joy,
And not by half.
— Tigger Kaz, May 17, 2023
Share this poem
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the contrasting impacts of simple elements—thoughts, moments, words, and smiles—on human emotions and experiences. The theme is clear and relatable, emphasizing how small things can lead either to negativity or positivity.
Strengths: - The poem uses repetition effectively with the phrase "A simple..." to create rhythm and cohesion. - The progression from negative to positive elements builds a hopeful resolution. - The rhyme scheme is consistent, which supports the flow and readability.
Areas for improvement: 1. Imagery and Specificity: The poem relies on abstract concepts (fear, panic, hatred) without grounding them in concrete images or scenarios. Adding vivid, sensory details could deepen emotional impact and make the poem more engaging. 2. Line Variation and Rhythm: Most lines are short and uniform in length, which can feel somewhat monotonous. Experimenting with varied line lengths or enjambment might add dynamic energy. 3. Word Choice: Some phrases are somewhat cliché ("sets off fears," "sets off a lie"). Consider using more original or nuanced language to express these ideas. 4. Emotional Depth: The final stanza shifts to positivity but feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on how a smile or laugh creates joy—perhaps with metaphor or imagery—could strengthen the conclusion.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys its message but could benefit from more vivid language and varied structure to enhance its emotional resonance and poetic craft.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.
Tigger Kaz
3 years ago
No comments on this poem?
Hi
Not sure if Neo poet glitches, but it's been 2 days and no comment from AI or Geezer.
I would really appreciate your feedback.
Lavender
2 years 12 months ago
The Simple Things
You have stated the way it really works - one single, simple thought, moment and/or word can turn everything sour. And it seems they have a ripple effect that affects everyone around. But then along comes a smile and a joyful laugh, and it can all change for the better. I enjoyed this very much!
Lavender
Tigger Kaz
2 years 12 months ago
Thank you
Your comments are always much appreciated.
Thank you