The secret dance!

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem commits fully to a single extended gesture, and that focus is a real strength: it stays with one sensation and traces its arc from first contact to climax without breaking attention or reaching for unrelated material. The structure mirrors that arc, moving from "gentle touch" through growth and rhythm to the racing pulse at the close, so the form follows the experience it describes.

The imagery is strongest when it commits to the dance conceit named in the title. "Each finger that dances beneath" earns its place because it gives the abstract sensation a concrete, kinetic body, and the closing "storm of my own making" lands well as a turn from the soft opening to something more forceful and self-possessed.

Where the poem could deepen is in its reliance on a small cluster of words that carry a great deal of the weight. "Soft" and its variants appear four times in a short space ("soft whispers," "soft sleep," "the softness fades," and the earlier "gentle"), and "tingle" or "tingles" recurs as well. Because these are also among the more generic words available for the subject, the repetition tends to blur rather than build. Choosing one or two of these moments to render in sharper, more particular language, and cutting the rest, would let each sensation register distinctly instead of merging into a single haze.

A related point: phrases like "a touch of pulsing desire blooms" and "a storm of my own making of pleasure" stack abstract nouns ("touch," "desire," "pleasure," "making") where the verbs are doing less work. The poem comes alive in its verbs of motion, guide, dances, races, so leaning further on action and trimming the abstract nouns would tighten the lines and keep the body present.

One concrete suggestion: try reading the poem aloud and marking every instance of soft, gentle, tingle, and pleasure, then keep only the single most precise use of each. The shape is already sound, and that pruning would give the surviving images room to do their work.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to our contact form.

I'm Tink, nice to meet you.

 I will preface this with, while the subject matter may not be for everyone, I see talent in your writing. Your voice is strong. You paint a picture with your words. And while you teeter on a "touchy" subject, you didn't cross the line with your choice of wording. You kept it sensual without going smutty. 

Please understand that some may not enjoy the subject matter and may not respond as you may hope. Don't take it personally. It's ok for people to not like it. As an artist, you have to be prepared for that kind of response to a delicate subject matter. The best thing you can do is Listen. Take from it what you can use to make it better and leave the rest. The worst thing you can do is throw a hissy-fit and stop writing. Poetry has the unique ability to have multiple audiences. Find the audience you seek and write for them. and always write for yourself. Hone your craft. Always look to learn how to you can sharpen your skills, find the right words. Soften what needs to be.

This is my opinion, from learning what i have said above. The truest reward in writing is being able to win over those that normally wouldn't enjoy your subject matter. To do that you need to learn how to find that words that intrigue, aren't harsh, and learn how to place them in a way that keeps your reader wanting more without even realizing they are enjoying something they were afraid of or uncomfortable with. With time and guidance you will get there. You're strong enough to do it. 

Take what you can use from me and leave the rest.

Live, Laugh and Love

(and don't forget to Write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

you just have to remember you can't realistically expect everyone to enjoy certain subject matters.  the trick is to craft your words in a way that they are hooked, and then realize it was about a subject that normally they aren't comfortable with. or some people just won't like it no matter how you present it. and that's ok.

what you also have to learn to except is sometimes, there are stuff you write for you and stuff you write for your audience. Pour yourself into both because if you don't you aren't not being authentic, however what you write for yourself doesn't need to be accepted by everyone else. there is a difference.

i have been writing since i was 4. (and i'm old now) some i share and some will go to the grave with me, not ever to be seen be another's eyes. and that's ok. when you put your work out there, it will be judged. you need thick skin and to learn not to take things personally. it's ok. Accept and ignore what doesn't help you grow. Nurture what does help you grow!

Live, Love and Laugh

(and don't forget to write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

Like I said earlier, not everything you write is going to be everyone's cup of tea. That's where you have to learn your audience. There is a difference between your style and your subject matter. i don't think it was anyone's intention to make you feel gross. That is where you have to learn to not take it personally. Words only have power if you allow them to have power. 

where this all gets tricky is learning to control your who and what you give power over you to, to take constructive criticism for what it is - someone's opinion. Take from it what you can use for the better and leave the rest. 

Being a people pleaser makes it difficult. You will learn that you can't please everyone all the time. it sucks, but it is the truth. Besides, you don't need to please everyone. Select who matters and focus on them.

Stay authentic to your own self. Write your style, in your voice, And ONLY in your style and in your own voice. Choose who gets to see that piece of you. Not everyone has to. Share to the public what you want to polish. Learn your audience. Write to them. Learn to write to attract readers, hook them with your talent, keep them with your story. Take them on a ride, use emotions, relatable issues, make them want more. 

Poetry is being able to quicky tell a story, without fillers and fluff. there are so many different ways and structures to do so. Poems can be deep with meaning or fun, or touching, or emotional, or endearing or anything you want them to be. At Neopoet, we are here to help each other, learn from each and spotlight a work of art. Hearing the Voices of like artists. Sharing with each other knowledge, education, and help.

I can help guide you, teach you, if you want. I will always be honest, respectful and i demand the same in return.

Live, Love and Laugh,

(and don't forget to Write!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

Wow. I like romance & sensual that makes u imagine. Too much graphic play by play people call good. I like this. Good job