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A Second Draft of Us
Rewriting Memory
There comes a time when we cross a certain threshold
Like reaching higher ground and seeing the road behind
It’s as if the map we held had several detours
Some were needless while trying to find peace of mind
And maybe those diversions were necessary
Sometimes guidance and advice will fall on deaf ears
But we live and we learn, with bumps, bruises and burns
Recalling how we would’ve saved ourselves some tears
But that’s OK, we appreciate the lesson
We value the time and effort it takes to grow
A second draft of us becomes like a rebirth
Refining and revising when it’s time to glow
I can see the road ahead and it’s quite the climb
With a quiet mind I try not to be so callous
All for the memories that now stay behind
Now I’m still trying, striving, searching for balance
About This Poem
Last Few Words: NaPoWriMo2026 Day 29
Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
Geezer
1 month ago
Your rhyme...
and near-rhyme is perfect. The meter...ehhh. But again, I'm thinking of what you said the other day; the mood is somewhat pensive, with second-hand rhythm that bumps along pretty well. Good stuff, ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
3 weeks 4 days ago
dear Wally,
I agree with Geezer on all points... especially "pretty good stuff" you have a level head on your shoulders and an mind open to new ideas.
fondly, Cat
Lavender
1 week 2 days ago
A Secon Draft of Us
Hello, Wally,
Glad I came back to this one. So much resonates - I think it hits home with anyone who has more road behind them than out ahead. After reading a couple times, I think what is the most introspective among all the reflective lines, is the title - it remains a draft, and numbered the second. Wisdom to understand there is no final version, and there is always more to experience and learn.
Thank you!
L