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Seasons
Seasons
In my city, Fall and Winter’s colors are gray, beige, and umber.
The trees show their bones and only dark omens rest in them.
Nature has the flu. Afternoons are flushed with fever when the sun sets,
then grow dark and restless and fearful. Breezes make vague promises
of strong winds below the canyons. The sidewalks groan
and shiver with guilt, with loneliness, with the cardboard
& plastic huts that line the sidewalks.
It’s intensely personal, you know. Those dark seasons ask me
for my elderly wisdom or my sage stories from the past.
Spring and Summer ask me for my body, then I remember I’m alive.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Final polish
Critiques
neopoet
4 weeks 1 day ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's strongest passage is the sustained illness metaphor in the middle: "Nature has the flu" earns its place because it immediately unlocks the images that follow — the feverish flush of sunset, the restless dark, the groaning sidewalks. That sequence moves with real momentum, and the pivot to the unhoused encampments lands with quiet weight because it arrives without announcement, grounding the figurative in something concrete and social.
The closing three lines lose that momentum, though. The shift to "It's intensely personal, you know" breaks the poem's tone — the conversational aside ("you know") feels like a deflation after the controlled imagery above, and telling the reader what the seasons "ask for" is more abstract than anything that precedes it. The final line, "then I remember I'm alive," reaches for a satisfying turn but arrives too quickly to carry the emotional weight it intends. One approach worth considering: rather than naming the sensation directly, the poem might find a specific bodily or sensory image — something Spring and Summer literally do or show — that lets the reader feel the aliveness without the poem announcing it. The contrast between the bareness of winter and the vitality of warmer months is genuinely interesting territory; the ending just needs the same concreteness the middle section handles so well.
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Geezer
4 weeks 1 day ago
The camping season...
has arrived! Plastic Quonset huts in the park, lined up along the sidewalk. I've seen them, already this year. The season grows longer as our patience grows shorter. Welcome to Neo. Geezer.
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