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Dec 08, 2023
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Rhetoric!
Volumes of thought race through double-tongued mouths.
Communique sport is a ravishing trip.
Up with conundrum a rhetorical script.
Old school politics forgotten long since,
but the river is rising up over its banks.
And soon all will know desolation’s foul stench!
Then bring us your poor, your weak and your masses.
We'll dash them to pieces with the words that we speak!
— Leslie, Dec 08, 2023
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Modern politics.
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem employs dense, metaphorical language to critique the manipulative power of rhetoric, especially in political contexts. The opening lines—“Volumes of thought race through double-tongued mouths”—immediately establish a tone of duplicity and intellectual excess. The phrase “communique sport is a ravishing trip” suggests that communication has become a game or spectacle, perhaps more about performance than substance.
The poem’s structure is a single stanza with enjambed lines, which creates a sense of urgency and forward momentum, mirroring the “river…rising up over its banks.” The river metaphor is effective in conveying the uncontrollable spread of rhetoric and its destructive potential. The transition from abstract manipulation to concrete violence—“dash them to pieces with the words that we speak”—underscores the poem’s central concern: language as a weapon.
The allusion to Emma Lazarus’s “The New Colossus” (“bring us your poor, your weak and your masses”) is subverted here, turning a symbol of welcome into one of threat. This reversal is a strong rhetorical move, though it may benefit from further development or context to clarify the target of the critique.
To strengthen the poem, consider refining some of the imagery for clarity. For example, “communique sport is a ravishing trip” is intriguing but somewhat opaque; sharpening this image could increase its impact. Additionally, the poem might benefit from more concrete examples or sensory details to ground the abstract concepts.
Overall, the poem’s tone and imagery effectively convey cynicism about political rhetoric and its consequences. Further specificity and clarity could deepen the emotional and intellectual resonance.
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