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Dec 08, 2023
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Rhetoric!
Volumes of thought race through double-tongued mouths.
Communique sport is a ravishing trip.
Up with conundrum a rhetorical script.
Old school politics forgotten long since,
but the river is rising up over its banks.
And soon all will know desolation’s foul stench!
Then bring us your poor, your weak and your masses.
We'll dash them to pieces with the words that we speak!
— Leslie, Dec 08, 2023
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About This Poem
Last Few Words: Modern politics.
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 month 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem employs strong imagery and metaphor to critique the manipulative power of rhetoric, particularly in political contexts. The opening lines—“Volumes of thought race through double-tongued mouths. / Communique sport is a ravishing trip.”—establish a tone of duplicity and spectacle. The phrase “double-tongued mouths” is effective in conveying deceit, while “communique sport” suggests that communication has become a game rather than a means of genuine exchange.
The poem’s structure is loosely formal, with some internal rhyme and rhythmic variation, which mirrors the chaotic and unpredictable nature of the rhetoric being described. The line “Up with conundrum a rhetorical script” is syntactically unusual, which may be intended to reflect the convoluted logic of political speech, though it risks obscuring meaning for the reader.
The imagery of the river rising “up over its banks” and the subsequent “desolation’s foul stench” introduces a sense of impending disaster, linking the consequences of manipulative rhetoric to environmental or social catastrophe. The allusion to Emma Lazarus’s “The New Colossus” (“bring us your poor, your weak and your masses”) is subverted in the next line, where instead of offering refuge, the speaker threatens violence through language: “We’ll dash them to pieces with the words that we speak!” This inversion is striking and underscores the poem’s central critique.
For further development, consider clarifying some of the more abstract or syntactically complex lines to ensure the poem’s message remains accessible. Additionally, exploring more concrete imagery or specific examples could strengthen the emotional impact and make the critique more pointed. The poem’s tone is forceful and accusatory; balancing this with moments of vulnerability or irony might add further depth.
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