Rat Race

Welcome to Neopoet. I hope that you will avail yourself of all we have to offer, and become engaged in the process of becoming a better poet.

I see that you have not asked for any level of criticism, so I'm going to assume that you want the raw truth.

This poem is not bad for someone who, according to your previous post, is brand new to poetry.
I like the in-your-face brevity, the directness, and the implication that what is seen through observation by the narrator is the exact opposite of how things should really be. That's pretty clever, I think.

My biggest criticism is that your poem is a little monotonous, and a little by rote. When read aloud, it sounds a little contrived, more like a list of things, than the words of someone speaking with emotion to another person. But I think a few adjectives scattered here and there, and some variation of existing words, would change this.

So, that's my criticism. I would very much like to see this developed further, so give it a try, if and when you feel so inclined.
And take a look around the site, when you have the time. We have workshops, mentors, and not a few really good poets here, who can help immeasurably.
Again, welcome to Neopoet.

For me this could be a song lyric. Lyrics are a type of poetry, as are there many types, as any other art- (painting, drawing, etching,lithograph, just different forms) Lyrics are most often direct, and do not have layers of meaning relying o the magic of words. Lyrics do not rely on the tools of the craft of poetry- metaphor, imagery, symbolism; They have music, very often with percussion so there's beat, and there's the art of performance.
You must be true to yourself and write what you have to write. I agree with the above view, and hope you continue to evolve in this craft of poetry.