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Rampant diabolical skulduggery...

my doppelgänger threatens victory to the death
squinting - first closing one than the other eye
sizes me up raising palm courtesy handbreadth
analogous to being sited within the crosshairs
patiently taking his time to be ready...aim...fire
forever to be consigned to obliviousness lethe
resultant targeted phosphatidylethanol (peth)
sands of time punishment will be meted out
(for being a stool pigeon) the month of Tebeth
scotching the sinister plans of Donald Koons,
the tenth month of the Hebrew sacred year and
fourth of the secular year, a winter month
typically falling in December–January
named from Akkadian term,
possibly meaning "muddy" or "sinking."

Months on end nonstop virtual pummeling occurs
cohort of fraudulent bank dicks faux cooing purrs
address me videlicet feigned politesse able, eager
ready and willing to stab me in the back fear stirs
hence cogs and wheels within mine noggin whirs.

I felt, heard, smelled, tasted
and touch palpable danger
men with silky voices
demand obeisance schemes
to fuel their shenanigans
figuratively ringing neck
of yours truly averse
to reply to their threatening
emails modus operandi
to sustain house of cards
harking back approaching
twenty eight months
late June two thousand
and twenty three Harvey
Specter, one of many
an alias he did bandy about
and the writer of these words
fell prey to the scam,
whereat I blindly
as if transfixed like some zombie
followed commands as if the devil spoke
with cell phone in hand asked
me to request bank colleagues,
whose names he claimed to know
(though yours truly
never put said claim
to the electric kool-aid acid test),
but mutely followed commands
as if the voice on the other end
of the conversation
held a gun to me head
much to the dismay
and aghast pallor exhibited
by woman moneychanger,
whose her ghastly countenance
etched upon mine consciousness,
and absolute zero sense and sensibility,
neither with pride nor prejudice
stopped me dead in my tracks
for blithely not turning
a third eye blind
against utter balderdash
which wads of cold cash
got converted into cryptocurrency
at an nearby MP service station
particularly bit coin,
which oblivious ignorance
that not one red cent could be retrieved
after dirty deed done dirt cheap,
which felt like being thunderstruck
after realizing yours truly
felt under a witch's spell,
taking me on a fiasco,
where highway to hell
ranked as pleasant alternative.

The archenemy lurked within these lovely bones
inextricably bound infested re: bewitching crones
agonized, canonized, harmonized, revolutionized
synchronized, weaponized self destructing drones
wishing for immediate cessation only lifelessness
in-sync accompanying contra dance music hones
listening faintly spirit of mother plaintively intones
reincarnated as storied born Mary Harris in Ireland
in 1837 dedicated her life to fighting Mother Jones
for workers' rights and protesting child labor nones
of the nonestablishmentarian intoxicating O-zones
impossible mission day of reckoning only delays
thee inevitable distraction temporarily postpones

forsaking meager finances of mine,
where shaman analogous
to a dervish that doth whir
there Citizen Bank poseur
repeatedly iterates, where I feign being demure,
he testily, saucily, icily, haughtily, ejaculates
"Notify when you are done
so the payment can be made"
like a numbskull,
I never regain consciousness
while being submerged
all the while within lethe sin learned
into the mythical river of forgetfulness
in the Greek underworld (Hades),
from which the souls of the dead
drank to forget their past lives
losing tenuous hold on life
and from within self
consigning myself to lost cause
personification of cannibal sizes me up
raising palm courtesy
he scrutinizing as if...yes
yours truly analogous to a criminal
essentially condemned to death row
life without parole.

Nobody but me to blame
self abomination succumbing to capitulation,
analogous taking binky from a baby
damnation, emasculation, fraternization
against Goliath nightmare capitulation,
victimization against evil twin
I dejectedly exclaim
chastising myself for
overlooking figurative red flags
and blinding warning lights
versus disregarding
utter financial ruination,
and seriously loathing self
getting nest egg felled splattering
"Fabergé" contents of (albeit thin)
instantaneously shredded cushion
dispersed to the four winds
pocketed courtesy
happy as a clam fraud perpetrators,
vestige of some
tens of thousands of dollars forever strewn
helter skelter analogous to Humpty Dumpty
forcing me to start from scratch
though quite tempting
to burrow down the rabbit hole hatch
impossible mission to escape self
and staunch profuse hemorrhaging patch.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: truth be told, I feel hounded (mainly online) courtesy imps of the pervert who try to hold me hostage for initially being respondent to what turned out to be scam, and after feigning interest the derelicts inundate my inbox.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: PA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Burns, Charles Dickens, Robert Frost, Matthew Scott Harris, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Sylvia Plath, Gary Snyder, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

6 months 3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a complex, layered narrative of personal betrayal and financial ruin, conveyed through dense imagery and an intricate linguistic style. The extended metaphor of a doppelgänger as an antagonistic force effectively externalizes the speaker’s internal conflict and self-recrimination, creating a compelling psychological tension.

The poem’s strength lies in its ambitious scope and the weaving of historical and mythological references—such as Lethe, Mary Harris, and the Akkadian origins of the month Tebeth—which enrich the thematic texture and situate the personal experience within broader cultural and temporal contexts. This approach adds depth but also demands careful reader attention.

However, the poem’s density and syntactic complexity can sometimes obscure clarity and emotional immediacy. The heavy use of polysyllabic vocabulary, archaic diction (“doth,” “videlicet”), and extended parenthetical explanations occasionally interrupt the narrative flow and may distance readers from the visceral impact of the speaker’s ordeal. For example, the passage explaining the month of Tebeth, while informative, feels tangential and disrupts the poem’s momentum.

The poem’s rhythm is uneven, partly due to irregular line lengths and enjambment that sometimes hinder natural pacing. Consider varying sentence structures and employing more concise phrasing in places to enhance readability and emotional resonance. Strategic line breaks could also be used to emphasize key moments or images, allowing the poem’s intensity to emerge more forcefully.

The speaker’s voice is distinctive but could benefit from moments of vulnerability or simplicity to balance the intellectual rigor. Introducing more sensory detail or concrete imagery related to the emotional aftermath of the fraud might deepen the reader’s empathy and ground the poem’s abstract reflections.

In summary, the poem’s ambitious interweaving of personal trauma, myth, and history is compelling but would be strengthened by greater clarity, rhythmic consistency, and moments of emotional accessibility. Refining these elements could help the poem’s powerful themes resonate more directly with readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

6 months 3 weeks ago

I would have...

paid more attention to the rhyming of words on the downbeat. Rhythm is what makes or breaks a rapper for me. Still, a good rant for any audience. ~ Geez.

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