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Oct 26, 2025
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printemps
Printemps
Is in the air
All the trees have
Their buds on
Mother nature fool us again
It is snowing again
But this time
The snow didn't stay on the ground
It melted
The next day
A robin appeared
It was the first sign
Printemps
Then the robing went away
It snow again
But didn't stay again on the ground
The next day the robin appeared again
Yes the ground hog didn't see its shadow
It means that we will have early
Printemps
I was looking forward it
I think it is it for winter
I hope so
I was already getting sick of the
Winter that never seem to
Want to end
Now the good Friday appeared
We were not allowed to eat meet
We had to eat fish
My Father went fishing with his
Fishing boat
Yes he was lucky
He got a lot of fish
Now he had to clean it
After he finished clean the fish
He barbecued it
And all his people
Arrived to celebrate
Good Friday
We all had the barbecued fish
To drink we had a bottle of
French red wine
Now we had finished
Eating the meal
The sun went down
The night arrived
The stars had been shining in the sky
Together with the moon
We all returned on
I arrived home at
11:00 AM
I worked a few hours for my Father
Writing some poems
I didn't need to brainstorm
It came automatic to me
When it was 5:00 am
I turned my computer off
And I went to bed
The night was very long
It was made for me to sleep
The next day I got up
At 6:00 pm
I was hungry so I made
Myself a Tuna sandwich
To eat
I went for walk to the beach
It was very quiet at beach
The noise of the water
Was beautiful to me
There was no body else
But me
When it was 8:30 pm
On a Saturday night
I return home
I had my shower
Then I dried my body
With a bath towel
And I changed into my pajamas
Then I open all my windows of my house
So it could cool of
The next morning at 4:00 am
The birds woke me up
I Didn't go out anywhere
I stay home
It was Easter anyway
I had a brunch for me
I barbecue some Bratwurst sausages
With Sauerkraut
It was delicious
To drink I had a
Pina colada
Today I had the opportunity
To work on my garden
I finally got rid of the horrible weeds
It took me 3 hours to do that
Then I planted some new
Plants that comes up every
Spring in my Garden
The plants that I planted
Last year came out this year
My garden is very colorful
That was in the back of my house
In front of my house I had a vegie garden
I had salad, turnip, etc
Now I am resting in my garden
Also I uncovered my roses
They had survived the winter
And they had a beautiful perfume
The birds arrive at my garden to collect the nectar
AIso the bees came to collect
The nectar to make honey
Now it was 9:00 PM
I water my gardens
And I went to bed
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo Kraas
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a loosely chronological meditation on the arrival of spring, blending observations of nature with personal and familial rituals. The structure is free-form, with line breaks that often mimic the flow of thought rather than a strict metrical or stanzaic pattern. This approach creates a diary-like intimacy and immediacy.
The poem’s strength lies in its attention to seasonal details—the recurring snow, the robin’s appearances, the rituals of Good Friday, gardening, and the gradual return of life to the landscape. These observations ground the poem in a specific time and place, and the inclusion of sensory details (the taste of barbecued fish, the smell of roses, the sound of water at the beach) helps to evoke the experience of spring.
However, the poem’s narrative occasionally loses focus due to abrupt transitions and a lack of cohesion between sections. For example, the shift from communal Good Friday celebrations to solitary late-night writing, then to a beach walk, and finally to gardening, can feel disjointed. The poem might benefit from clearer thematic or emotional through-lines that connect these vignettes more explicitly.
The language is straightforward, sometimes bordering on prosaic. While this can lend authenticity, it also risks flattening the emotional resonance. Consider experimenting with figurative language, metaphor, or more varied diction to heighten the sense of renewal and anticipation that spring brings. Additionally, the repetition of certain phrases and ideas (such as the robin’s comings and goings, the snow melting) could be used more deliberately to create patterns or motifs, rather than feeling accidental.
There are numerous grammatical and syntactical errors throughout, which may be intentional to convey a particular voice or may be unintentional. If the latter, careful editing could enhance clarity and impact. If the former, consider how these choices contribute to the poem’s overall effect and whether they serve the intended tone.
The poem’s conclusion returns to the garden and the cyclical nature of seasons, which provides a sense of closure. However, the final lines could be strengthened by distilling the poem’s central insight or emotional core, rather than simply listing actions.
Overall, the poem offers a vivid, if somewhat meandering, portrait of spring’s arrival and the rituals that accompany it. Greater attention to structure, language, and thematic cohesion could deepen its impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact