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Sep 12, 2011
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Passion(Splash Pool submission) re write
Mon, 2011-09-12 10:53
China Blue's picture
re write
Passion is the tides
Surge, ebb and flow
The roar of an approaching storm
The flame of desire's
Burning heat
A lion’s hunger
When on the prowl
To the ocean’s depth
It is felt
Lust never fulfilled
Love is a comfort zone
An unconditional giving
Where no boundary lines are drawn
A knowing without a whisper
A reading of the signs
Love always fulfilled
Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void
And yes it is true
The emotions live on
That she might love both
As if they were one
— China Blue, Sep 12, 2011
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
Candlewitch
14 years 10 months ago
Dear Chrys,
I am in total agreement!
Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void
always, Cat
raj
14 years 10 months ago
Dear Chrys
i liked the re-write ..because in the original write you had encountered a problem of distinguishing between love and lust and at the same time wondering why they can't be together...
however after reading this re-write i believe you are trying to equate passion and lust..is it?...i believe passion and lust differ even though the difference may be subtle ...
scribbler
14 years 10 months ago
Hmmm.....
Was expecting a more extreme change but like the way you changed to saying passion and lust can go hand in hand..........stan
lou
14 years 10 months ago
Hi
I d like to ask each participant, if they felt they gained a new insight into their poem, and if so why?
I have to agree with Stan , it is a subtle change, but it is effective.
Lou
lou
14 years 10 months ago
Hi
At least it achieved something.
Love lou
docmaverick
14 years 7 months ago
I must say....
...this flowed, oh! So well. It's late, as I am reading....and, I read your effort...aloud; and it flowed, and rolled off of the tongue ever so, effortlessly!
Truly, an enchanting read. Thanx.
Sincerely,
doc.
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