Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

weirdelf
weirdelf
Nov 20, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Part 2 of a truly offensive poem, for Rhiannon

I'll take Rhiannon's lead and do a limerick

The poet was truly appalling
his peers broke his legs now he's crawling
they ripped out his tongue
and then it was flung,
to the fishes who gave it a mauling

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Sydney, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: The Romantics, The Mersey Sound, The Beats and, of course, The Bard

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

13 years 11 months ago

Hey Jess,

I couldn't write a limerick to save my life. I think it takes a special skill to do so and to have make it appealing. You have done well with this poetic art form. I like it!

p.s.

Have you ever considered heading up a workshop to instruct and educate poets how to critique? I would attend that workshop if you would have me. My critiquing skills are poor and I could use the education and I'm sure many others could, too.

always, Cat

P

pleiades

13 years 11 months ago

as i said to rhiannon, i have

as i said to rhiannon, i have
a soft spot for a well writ limerick

i think that soft spot comes from my childhood
my grandmother knew a slew of them, and was
always reciting them

a suggestion; perhaps the second line
could begin with "so" instead of "his"?
for me, just seemed a better fit

cheers
p

weirdelf

weirdelf

13 years 11 months ago

good suggestion

but it would break the scansion, perhaps a comma at the end of the first line.

P

pleiades

13 years 11 months ago

perhaps i wasn't clear enough

perhaps i wasn't clear enough

i meant "so" in place of "his", so the line
would read;

"so peers broke his legs........"
that, i think, doesn't alter the scansion (does it? i'm not too au fait with scansion)

cheers
p