Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Palavras de Dios

Palavras de Dios
Children
Make sure you follow
The bed schedule that I
Made for you
Don't stay up late
Because you will
Mess up you sleep schedule
And you will only get a few hours of
Sleep
Sleep is very important
You need 8 hours of sleep
You can't function without sleep
Yes children I gave you a roof
Over you head
I feed you every
And you never starved once
I gave you clothes for you to wear
You wear it every day

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem By aldo kraas

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

6 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem adopts the voice of an authority figure, possibly a parental or divine presence, delivering instructions and reminders to children. The title, "Palavras de Dios," suggests a blend of languages and invokes a sense of gravity or universality to the advice being dispensed.

The poem’s structure is linear and direct, with short lines and a conversational tone. This simplicity mirrors the straightforwardness of parental admonitions, which can be effective in conveying the speaker's intent. However, the repetition of phrases about sleep and basic needs risks redundancy, and the lack of figurative language or imagery limits the emotional resonance.

There are several grammatical inconsistencies, such as "you sleep schedule" instead of "your sleep schedule," and "I feed you every" which appears incomplete. These errors may distract the reader and detract from the authority of the speaker.

The poem could benefit from exploring the emotional undercurrents beneath the surface instructions—how do these admonitions affect the children? Is there a tension between care and control? Additionally, the poem might be strengthened by incorporating more sensory detail or metaphor to elevate the language beyond literal statements.

Overall, the poem presents a clear voice and theme but would be more compelling with greater attention to language, structure, and emotional complexity.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact