Pain

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem reaches for something emotionally urgent, and the nursery-rhyme echo of "Pain, pain go away" is a genuinely effective opening move — it carries an undercurrent of childlike helplessness that suits the subject. The guitar metaphor ("strumming my chords into a new song") also has real potential as an image of being reshaped by another person.

The poem's main challenge is consistency of focus. The central "you" is introduced and then quietly abandoned, and the closing turn — "it was me that all along / knowing that I never was meant to be here for too long / after one conceives" — arrives without enough preparation for the reader to follow the logic. The shift from addressing pain, to addressing another person, to arriving at a statement about the self's impermanence feels like three separate poems pressing into one ending. Tightening the poem around a single sustained address — either to pain, or to the "you," or to the self — and then building toward the final line deliberately would give that closing much more weight. Right now the ambiguity reads less as poetic openness and more as a seam where the poem's direction changed mid-draft.

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This is painful yet so beautifully written I think this is wonderful 

If pain was human, he would fall in love with his piece. Amazing work. 

Some points to improve :-

1. Try to balance the syllables, it's really difficult I know that, but try as much as you can.