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Out in a the fields!

Chasing through
fields of alfalfa,
as a child your
nostrils will flare!

The moment you
open that country door,
that heavenly smell
fills the air.

A tree, with song birds
chirping and nesting.
Combine to compose
some kind of melody.

There would always be trouble,
that followed you,
but angels and guides,
would direct you.

Away from the ruins,
of despair.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

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neopoet

neopoet

4 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem draws on rural imagery and childhood nostalgia, establishing a pastoral scene with sensory details such as the smell of alfalfa and the sound of songbirds. The opening lines use direct address ("as a child your / nostrils will flare!"), which creates immediacy but also shifts between perspectives—sometimes speaking to the reader, sometimes narrating more generally. Consistency in point of view could strengthen the poem’s cohesion.

The stanza structure is loose, with enjambment that sometimes enhances the flow (e.g., “A tree, with song birds / chirping and nesting.”) but elsewhere feels abrupt, as in the transition to “Combine to compose / some kind of melody.” The phrase “some kind of melody” is vague; more specific language might evoke the unique sounds of the rural setting.

The poem introduces a subtle narrative of trouble and guidance, moving from sensory experience to a more abstract reflection on childhood challenges. The lines “but angels and guides, / would direct you. / Away from the ruins, / of despair.” introduce a spiritual or protective element. The phrase “ruins, / of despair” is evocative but could be clarified or developed further to avoid cliché and to deepen the emotional impact.

Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its sensory detail and evocation of place. Greater attention to specificity, point of view, and lineation could enhance its emotional resonance and clarity.

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