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Jan 11, 2026
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Old spies in the New World
Crossing a bridge in Parry Sound
could be like crossing a bridge in Riga –
waters dark and gloomy, mirror slick in hour past midnight
like polished onyx or liquid mercury;
black, low-ceilinged sky, the street lights yellow-orange
glow at either end of the bridge.
Septuagenarian and octogenarian spies in dark Burberry trenchcoats
shuffling slowly out onto the bridge on old worn thin shoe soles
to some undefined rendezvous with some other old shuffling spy.
I walk on by with my backpack…
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem establishes a moody, atmospheric setting by drawing a parallel between Parry Sound and Riga, effectively using the bridge as a liminal space. The imagery is vivid: "waters dark and gloomy, mirror slick in hour past midnight" and "black, low-ceilinged sky" create a noir tone, reinforced by the "yellow-orange glow" of streetlights. The comparison of the water to "polished onyx or liquid mercury" is evocative, though the two substances conjure slightly different textures—onyx is solid and opaque, mercury liquid and reflective—so the juxtaposition is intriguing but could be clarified for coherence.
The introduction of elderly spies in "dark Burberry trenchcoats" adds a layer of narrative and a touch of the surreal or cinematic. The specificity of their age and attire grounds the scene in realism while also invoking spy fiction tropes. The phrase "to some undefined rendezvous with some other old shuffling spy" leaves the action ambiguous, which suits the secretive nature of espionage but also risks feeling vague. Consider whether more detail or a sharper image would heighten the tension or mystery.
The final line, "I walk on by with my backpack…", shifts the perspective and introduces a contemporary, perhaps mundane, counterpoint to the spies' world. The ellipsis suggests an unfinished thought or a lingering sense of curiosity or detachment, but it also leaves the poem feeling somewhat unresolved. The poem might benefit from either a stronger closing image or a clearer sense of the speaker's emotional response.
Overall, the poem effectively conjures atmosphere and blends the ordinary with the extraordinary. Further development of the spies' presence or a more defined narrative arc could deepen the impact. Attention to the function of each image and the poem's resolution would strengthen its cohesion.
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