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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopet Weekly 07/26/26 to 08/01/26

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O2id (The Boat) 

Oh row, row, row. Row the rumbling boat
Oh sing, sang, sung. Sung the drunken song
Oh, it's, on. The engine hums inside eardrums
Oh, it's, on. Between me and moon-sun
Oh I'm, always, on. My own, hormones and the hunt 

Oh rock, rock, rock. This tumbling fumbling boat
Oh what's, going, on. I want to go home (All hands on deck)
Why, why, why. Why go it alone?
Oh, it's, off. The house of light
Oh, I, try. To open my eyes
It's, on, me. For being at sea
See, see, see. See the brainstorm
Oh I, am, always. On The Brain 

Oh, who's been, there, all along. Munchingmutteringmumblingthroughthemonths
Oh sing, sang, sung. Just barking at moon-sun
Oh it, goes on, and on. The sounds of mice and mine
Oh it, hasn't, gone. The parrot's whiny why-s
Whyyyy... eyeeee... ayeeee.... Need an eye-opener?
House, of, light. Gone with the highest tides
Down, down, down. Down the stream
Rise, rise, rise. Rise above its source, life is but a dream 

Sing sang sung (An eye for an eye owes it to its own)
Eyes breathing lungs (A brain in a brain brawls it with its brawn)
Sing sang sung (We kick, we crawl, we kill us all)
Moon-sun has won (We kick, we crawl, we kill us all)
Sing sang sung (An eye for an eye turns a blind eye)
Already done (A brain in a brain sees I to I with eyes)
In the lee of shore chanty (The only thing we know is to pay)
In the lee of shore shanty (No mind, in kind, are we kind at the end of the day?)
In the lee of shore chanty (An eye for an eye we only think in disguise)
In the lee of shore shanty (An eye for an eye we're only seeing lies) o i .T. 2 o d
.B. o i
Oh, row... row... row... the... o 2 .O. d o 
Row the sunken... 2 o .A. 2 
2 i o d 2 o
~ o 2 o i
 

— kellustzall, Jul 25, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: VNM

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

6 days 15 hours ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem's strongest quality is its sustained sonic energy. The repetition of imperative verbs — row, rock, rise, down — and the conjugation sequence "sing, sang, sung" used as a refrain give the piece a genuine rhythmic momentum, and the sea-shanty structure earns its form rather than merely borrowing it. The coinage "Munchingmutteringmumblingthroughthemonths" is the kind of risk that pays off: it enacts the very sensation it names, and it lands as the most distinctive line in the piece.

The main area that needs attention is the drift between accumulated effect and actual meaning. Several images — "the sounds of mice and mine," "a brain in a brain brawls it with its brawn," "moon-sun" — feel pressed into service for sonic or visual texture without quite resolving into anything the reader can hold. A few of these are productive mysteries, but when the whole final section moves into alphanumeric notation (the scattered letters and digits closing the poem), the opacity tips from suggestive into inaccessible. If that visual notation is meant to enact disintegration or code-switching, it would benefit from some earlier anchor — a single concrete image or moment earlier in the poem that the closing fragmentation could then reflect or shatter. As it stands, the ending feels like it releases tension rather than crystallizes it.

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