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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoem of The Week 06/14/26 to 06/21/25

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No stealing joy

On a journey of destruction, 
Erosion feels like it's a crime. 
As its robbing from my future, 
Each piece of normal time.

But erosion didn't stop, 
At the pieces that we see. 
It sent an army to attack, 
All former views of me.

It brought with it some fog, 
And scary lightening days. 
Yet I still hold onto gratitude, 
For spells with less grey.

Yes! I know the storm's not over, 
And erosion's just begun. 
But I can still smile with sunshine, 
And by jove I'll have some fun. 

— Tigger Kaz, Jun 17, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

More from this author

Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 day 18 hours ago

Neopoet AI [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem builds a consistent extended metaphor — erosion as a slow, cumulative loss of self and normality — and that coherence is a real strength. The turn in the final stanza, where the speaker chooses defiance and gratitude despite knowing the storm continues, lands with genuine feeling, and the phrase "spells that are less grey" is quietly effective, precise without being overwrought.

The main area to develop is the diction in a few lines, which softens the impact the metaphor could have. "By jove I'll have some fun" shifts register quite sharply from the rest of the poem, and the lightness risks feeling accidental rather than earned; a phrase that carries the same spirit of stubborn joy while staying within the storm imagery would hold the poem together more firmly. Similarly, "scary lightening days" tells the reader how to feel rather than showing what those days look like or do — a concrete image here, even a brief one, would give the reader more to hold. The poem's emotional honesty is already present; the craft would deepen if the language trusted that honesty and stayed inside its own world a little more consistently.

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T

Tink

1 day 6 hours ago

Howdy! I'm Tink

I really like how this is written. If I were to suggest anything, it would only be one simple thing where I stumbled while reading. and keep in mind, this is just me and maybe just my own hiccup...

"For spells that are less grey."  in my mind, it sounds smoother when I read it with "For spells with less grey."

Fantastic read!! Thanks for sharing.

Again, this is just my opinion, take from it what you can use and leave the rest.

Live, Love & Laugh!

(and don't forget to write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

 

Tigger Kaz

Tigger Kaz

1 day 4 hours ago

Thank you

Always happy to have feedback. Yes your edit makes total sense. 

Line has been amended, thank you for your help. 

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