Rula

Jul 18, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

Night Fellows (Summer's Fun) (minute poem)

Laying onto cozy pillows,
(our night fellows),
they'll never fret
with nightmares' threat

or the weight of the heavy heads
when lay on beds
they'll never ache,
or shake or break.

They mum all the nights' secrecy
a policy
we should all learn
and fully earn.

— Rula, Jul 18, 2018

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

Critiques

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Rula

If the pillows read your poem they will dance with joy and say O My!
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raj

7 years 10 months ago

Few suggestions

(our [fluffy] night fellows),

or the weight of the heavy heads [or weights of heavy heads]
when [they] lay on beds

They mum [keep] all the nights' secrecy
[that's a pillow] policy
we should all learn
and fully earn [for us to return]
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

Appreciate

the read and all the thoughts dear friend.
A minute poem should have 60 syllables Only
Don't know if it still reads eloquent as it is.

P.s mum the secret = keeps the secret
So what do you think?

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Oh I didn't know this Tiny form of poetry and restriction of words. It is eloquent indeed as it is...excuse my ignorance
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

If you think so

dear Raj :)
Thank you for the quick response and lovely words.

raj

7 years 10 months ago

yes I do :)

yes I do :)
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

BTW

dear Raj this was inspired by your awesome pillow notes #1&2
though themes may differ.

raj

7 years 10 months ago

yes different strokes about

yes different strokes about a pillow ...we spend almost 30 % of each day with and then tend to forget
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raj

7 years 10 months ago

nagging you more Rula

how about Night Buddies as a title?
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

Dear Raj

Thank you for your thoughts. I might do the change if you convince me that "buddies" is more apposite than "fellow" :)

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Rula

i made the suggestion because a fellow could be a one night stand whereas a buddy is someone who is more permanent and more trustworthy...perhaps you could also consider mates as an alternate
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Mikeozams

7 years 10 months ago

About pillows

Imagery and personification eulogizing pillows aptly expresses the poet's emotions. Keep it flowing.

Rula

7 years 10 months ago

Thank you Mike

for the visit. Highly appreciate it.

scribbler

7 years 10 months ago

Why

am I now jealous of pillows? lol. I always admire people who can write short forms this well. My stuff just drones on and on and on and on and on.............stan

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Stan

when I read this comment from you in the subtext i read "I am gonna have a go at this"...
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

Thank you Stan

for the penegyric.

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Rula would this qualify as a

Rula would this qualify as a tiny poem?

on her pillow lay a hair
wasn't hers
she's blond, not a brunette
she raised hell
almost stabbed hubby dead
who asked her
why are you wearing shades?

thought I would try one :)
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Rula

7 years 10 months ago

Hahaha

Crazy women!
This indeed "fit the bill"

Should the last line read
"Why you're wearing shades?"
Or
Why are you wearing shades?

Just asking

raj

7 years 10 months ago

Thanks for the suggestion

Thanks for the suggestion Rula...already implemented...was good to hear your Hahaha does it not confirm women generally tend to be suspicious? ..lol..
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