Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Aug 01, 2014
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Natural Mechanics
Most gentle of push pull me ‘way,
yet the fences are all barbed with wire,
I have no reason for to stay,
my heart’s begun to tire.
Metal thorns may be sharp and still,
I put forth my flesh against the jagged rust,
cuts will mend but the lack of never will,
and so I must.
‘Round rotting posts the meadows stretch,
crawl across the dirt and darken at the valley’s end,
reeds leap near to skies the hills have met,
or at least I will imagine.
- Lane
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
Ian.T
11 years 3 months ago
Lane
Firstly welcome to Neopoet site, we are here to learn in a quiet way, there are many here to help if need be.. This as your first piece, there seems to be a few words missing, if you imagine, . then let your imagination give a reason for your journey , or at least which medium you are in, there seems to be something needed, otherwise the bones of the piece is very good
Yours Ian.T
weirdelf
11 years 3 months ago
A fine poem,
powerful, evocative and economical. Beats the shit out of most love poems (they conveniently forget the barbed wire).
Sorry I can offer no constructive criticism on this. Perhaps I can help with your next one.