From my own perspective!

What in God's name,
have we done with our time?
Have we squandered
and wasted it?

There's no telling, where
your time will be spent.
The majority of your actions,
have a lecherous intent.

Whether you believe it or not,
we all have the same sort of mind.
Always looking for something more,
to buy with our worthless dime.

Your friends cannot be trusted,
they'll hang you out on a line.
Your totally on your own now,
don't give in to the sublime.

When destiny calls you back,
into the presence of God,
don't give into your persuasions,
like those of being fried.

Your words and deeds mischievous,
are not the things that bring you down!
It's your paradigm and outlook,
that won't allow you to spin around.

So having said and done that,
remember what Jesus said,
Ye are all God's,
with the same eternal mind!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: When you think about your life, and all of the things which bring you down, remember it's your paradigm that will eventually bring you around. Believe in truths and not deception your soul is on the line. Nothing can contain the blast of a negative state of mind. You cannot control the future. It's going to come to your front door and try to put you into the ground. If you learn to meditate a functional way can be found to shelter you from the blast of your own disfunctional mind.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

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Comments

neopoet

5 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem adopts a confessional and admonitory tone, raising existential and moral questions about time, intent, and the nature of humanity. The speaker’s perspective is direct and sometimes accusatory, which creates a sense of urgency and confrontation. The poem’s structure is loose, with stanzas varying in length and rhyme, which can lend a conversational immediacy but also results in some inconsistency in rhythm and flow.

The poem’s rhetorical questions in the opening stanza set a reflective mood, but the transition to accusatory language (“your time,” “your actions,” “your friends cannot be trusted”) shifts the focus outward, which may create ambiguity about the intended audience. The use of “lecherous intent” and “worthless dime” is provocative, though the language risks generalization and could benefit from more concrete imagery or specific examples to ground the critique.

The rhyme scheme is irregular, with some couplets and slant rhymes, but there are places where the meter falters or the rhyme feels forced (e.g., “God”/“fried,” “down”/“around”). The line “don’t give in to the sublime” is intriguing but its meaning remains unclear in context; “sublime” typically has positive connotations, so its use as something to resist could be further clarified.

The poem references religious and philosophical themes, culminating in a paraphrase of a biblical passage (“Ye are all God’s, with the same eternal mind!”). This ending attempts to offer resolution or uplift, but the transition from critique to affirmation is abrupt. The poem could benefit from a more gradual or nuanced movement between these modes.

There are some grammatical and syntactical issues, such as “Your totally on your own now” (should be “You’re”), and some awkward phrasing (“like those of being fried”) that may confuse readers.

Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its willingness to confront difficult questions and its engagement with spiritual themes. Greater attention to clarity, specificity, and consistency in tone and form would help strengthen the poem’s impact and accessibility.

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