My Mountain Walk (Triquain)

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem employs the triquain form, which traditionally consists of seven lines with a syllabic pattern (2, 3, 6, 8, 6, 3, 2). The poem does not strictly adhere to this syllabic structure, which may be a deliberate choice or an oversight. If the intention is to work within the constraints of the triquain, revisiting the line lengths to match the form would strengthen the formal integrity.

Thematically, the poem uses the setting of a mountain walk as a metaphor for introspection and personal growth. The progression from observation (“Views of what we have done and will do”) to self-examination (“Seeking forgiveness for our actions”) and resolution (“Promising major change”) is clear and logical. The imagery of “leaves and trees” grounds the poem in the natural world, supporting the reflective tone.

The language is direct and abstract, focusing on internal states rather than concrete sensory details. Incorporating more specific imagery or sensory language could enhance the emotional resonance and help readers connect more deeply with the experience described.

The final word, “Promenades,” shifts the tone slightly, suggesting a more formal or even communal walk, which could be clarified or expanded to reinforce the poem’s conclusion.

Overall, attention to the form’s requirements and the addition of more vivid, specific imagery would strengthen the poem’s impact.

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I'm not sure what to say about this. Perhaps I should say nothing. I neither enjoyed or disliked it until, that is, I put some punctuation in there. Now it reads well. I think you need probably 3 commas and 4 full stops so a reader can emphasise  and project the meaning behind it. As it it is it seems to me to be just a lot of words strung together. Alex.

I read this as it may be read on stage. Punctuation can help to emphasise each passage. So.

Full stops after 'thought', 'do','change' and 'passageways'.

Commas after 'done', 'lives', 'action'.

You could possibly use colons or semi-colons but I'm not sure that would be quite right.

Thats just how I would read it but others would be happy to read it as written. Alex