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iamjesse
iamjesse
May 01, 2017 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

MOTHER

Like a ship sailing into the horizon, not knowing what to expect when it gets there, guided by the sun & stars above, blinded by desire and hope, letting mother nature lead the way, trusting her completely, because she is our home.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Benue State, Nigeria, NGA

Favorite Poets: Prince ea, Cohen

More from this author

Comments

judyanne

judyanne

8 years 6 months ago

Hello Jamjessie

Welcome to the site
This is a gòod first submission
I really like it

Can I suggest a more poetic layout
Something more as

Like a ship sailing into the horizon,
not knowing what to expect when it gets there,
guided by the sun & stars above,
blinded by desire and hope,
letting mother nature lead the way,
trusting her completely,

because she is our home.

~~~~~

Maybe even an 'I am' at the beginning in order to give the write an anchor so to speak ??

I enjoyed this and look forward to reading more from you

Love judy
xxx
.

Rula

Rula

8 years 6 months ago

Hello jesse

Welcome to Neopoet.
I like the theme and thought the title fits well. You have there the bones for a good poem especially when it comes to imagery, but I had to agree with Judy.A different arrangement of the lines (lineatiion) might help to read this more like poetry rather than prose.
Waiting to see the revisions.
Welcome again.

jane210660

jane210660

8 years 6 months ago

Hello there

As Judy and Rula have said, welcome to Neopoet.
I love the imagery in your write, but again as they both say, I think in needs setting out in a poetic rather than prosaic form.
Have a go and post it.
What's to lose?