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May 09, 2026
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Mortal Divide
Melodic sweetness of golden calf,
Jagged lines, fear's not cut by half.
In Ruby fields of blood soaked bones,
Dormant souls, immutable groans.
Dust and char filled, choking air,
Stench of death, fear filled despair.
Breath gets drawn, then is held,
As sodden moisture pools meld.
Humanity's collosal rift is showing,
Betwixt calm, fear fuelled blowing.
Across billowing seas,
A duplicity of decrees.
Skulduggery edging a new saviour,
By tokenist bitter addictive flavour.
But intent that seems candied,
Twisted logic, underhanded.
Nirvana dressed in fools gold,
Beware the subterfuge that's sold.
For arsenic might well taste as well,
Laced with honey, who could tell.
Yet spirit glows in amber hope,
Slashes fear's carp, cuts the rope.
Strengthens righteous incarnation,
On its route to our salvation.
— Tigger Kaz, May 09, 2026
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About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
3 weeks 6 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of fear, deception, and hope through vivid and often stark imagery. The use of contrasting symbols—such as "golden calf" and "fools gold" alongside "arsenic" laced with "honey"—effectively conveys the tension between allure and danger, suggesting a critique of false promises or misleading saviors.
The language is evocative, with phrases like "Ruby fields of blood soaked bones" and "Dust and char filled, choking air" immersing the reader in a grim atmosphere. However, some lines could benefit from clearer syntax or more precise word choices to enhance readability and impact. For example, "fear's not cut by half" might be rephrased for smoother flow or clarity.
The poem’s rhythm and rhyme scheme are generally consistent, which helps maintain momentum. Still, a few lines feel slightly forced to fit the rhyme, such as "carnation" paired with "salvation," which could be reconsidered for more natural phrasing.
Symbolism such as "spirit glows in amber hope" and "slashes fear's carb, cuts the rope" is intriguing but somewhat opaque. Clarifying these metaphors or grounding them in more concrete images could strengthen the emotional resonance.
Overall, the poem presents a compelling meditation on human division and the search for redemption, but refining some of the language and imagery could enhance its clarity and emotional power.
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Geezer
3 weeks 5 days ago
I will agree...
that there could be a little better syntax, and maybe in turn, a bit more of equality in meter.
Yet spirit glows in amber hope,
Slashes fear's carb, cuts the rope. fear's [carb]? I think you mean [garb].
Likewise, I think that you mean incarnation, not carnation; which would give it a better meter.
I get the political climate is poisonous, [arsenic-laced with honey], but there does seem to be hope that we are waking to the fact that we have been lied to for so long. Well done, for the most part. ~ Geez.
.
Tigger Kaz
3 weeks 5 days ago
Carb should be Carp
I meant carp.
Neopoet not letting me in to edit my poem?
Tigger Kaz
3 weeks 4 days ago
Poem amended, glitch gone
Updated poem
Carb changed to carp
Carnation to incarnation
Geezer
3 weeks 4 days ago
I see...
the intent here, is to cut through the carping that Fear does. A word used in a way that I have only heard from my elders. "Oh, how he carps about [whatever]." Nicely done, ~ Geez