Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Nov 29, 2013
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Mexican Death Squad
It is evening, the night is here
and we are all inside. A dog
barks.
Dolores' dress is
too dirty she says
though
I see no dirt on it.
It is stained in blood,
see it signor?
here and here she point
by running her hand along
the hemline.
I see no blood
as I search
the white pleated dress.
Seriously Dolores? Blood?
Si Senor Jim from the men
on the road, they have filled
the road with their blood.
Dolores' is weeping
muttering prayers
her eyes are wide,
the whites bright.
Senor Jim will they
see heaven like we do,
will they walk like we do?
Yes. I reply in Spanish,
Si Dolores they will.
And will they walk as we do?
She adds with a childlike urgency
I nod. Knowing what she will say next.
Even without their legs
and eyes
Senor Jim,
Even without their legs and eyes?
Even without their heads?
They all say that and I
always say "Yes".
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Geezer
11 years 11 months ago
This is...
the first of your work that I have read, but I like what I see.
I think that it's more like a narrative than a poem,
but what do I know? Good stuff though. ~ Geezer
Artyfax
11 years 11 months ago
Thanks ...
... for the comment Geezer. I am afraid I will have to look up the difference between a poem and a narrative.
As a new member, I will be taking a look around before taking any steps to premium membership. Just to find my sea-legs, so to speak.
weirdelf
11 years 10 months ago
what Gee said after his name
is his "signature" post, it appears on all his comments, like mine all say
Hear your own work and others out loud!
Audio on Neopoet
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/audio-neopoet
until I change it to something else.
weirdelf
11 years 10 months ago
hmmm, a new poet with something to say
I'm deeply impressed.
Since I often read works aloud to get the feel of them it doesn't take a second to record them to.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0gloraemvfa
What this reveals is the simple power of your language. Excuse me if I mention Hemmingway. It's meant to be a compliment.
There is no exclusion between poetry and narrative, a narrative poem tells a story, that's all. Perhaps Gee found it a bit prosodic. I don't.
You have achieved extraordinary power without resorting to melodrama or sentiment.
I would call this a significant poetic achievement.
Since you are not using dialect
here and here she point
you might as well say 'points'
billypringle
11 years 10 months ago
Wierdelf Thank you - old piece
I stopped writing like this because i felt it lazy .A short story would do just as well and fill in the shades of the relationship I had with that young girl of just fifteen. I was staying at their house doing a collection of statistics on mental health issues in the area and D was one of the traumatized young people i was working with. She had a a bad PTSD that needed hospitalizing in the end. I think I do actually because the work was truly horrific. Poetry I find helps and i used to read it to the group of youngsters we had gathered to help on the program.
Perhaps I will revisit some of that work here if only to gauge the outrage of the situation back in mexico would provoke if it was say on the streets of Paris or London where the cocaine being trafficked ends up being snorted.
( to say nothing of the States)
jimm
weirdelf
11 years 10 months ago
I'm glad you didn't choose to
I'm glad you didn't choose to make it a proselytising piece of outrage. This definitely a more effective approach. It signifies PTSD deeply. I hope you are tending your own needs in that respect, sometimes the catharsis of poetry is not enough.
weirdelf
11 years 10 months ago
this is just trolling
stop it.
billypringle
11 years 10 months ago
A fool is a fool and a C**t
A fool is a fool and a C**t is a C**T - face it , smell it , be it , you revel in it anyway. So enjoy.
Jimm
themoonman
11 years 10 months ago
All right,
That would be quite enough of the
schoolyard name calling. This is a poetry
site not a bar.
If any of you would care to read the guidelines,
they explicitly state to refrain from attacking each
other in any personal way.
The poetry on the other hand is fair game.
I would suggest that anyone having multiple accounts
remedy that situation before I do.
Now please, poetry is why we are here.
Richard
billypringle
11 years 10 months ago
I have only just joined this
I have only just joined this site posted what?: five poems and the local inmate has gone spare - do you have to put up with this idiot in the name of free speech or something? Or is this "special site" for "special writers" . Going on some of the publications i think I may have walked in ward 19. Now what ever this lunatic is blethering on about can you please make him stop I came here to post poetry, discuss, literature not trade third rate insults with a challenged underachiever. As for multiple accounts I have just the one - my name is Jim Stevens and i am a U.N worker ( on sick leave), I have just left a war zone and walked into Dr. Caligari's closet!!
Jimm
weirdelf
11 years 10 months ago
I am personally sorry that "the local inmate"
has gone spare again. I am a local inmate too. Crud and I have been tolerated because we improved our behaviour. We have both proven our value as poets and critics. Please don't judge the site by Crud. He will be dealt with. I have seen no basis for this recent psychotic break.
scribbler
11 years 10 months ago
to all
I am presently in the process of reviewing all commentary relating to this disruption.............stan