May 16th 1964...

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem employs a narrative structure to recount a childhood incident involving a BB gun, using a specific date to anchor the memory in time. The use of concrete imagery—such as the “can spins and shows its' dents” and “a whir of feathers flying past”—effectively situates the reader in the scene and establishes a sense of immediacy. The poem’s progression from playful innocence to sudden injury is handled with clarity, and the allusion to the familiar warning about BB guns (“Don’t put your baby-blues out”) introduces a layer of irony that underscores the poem’s theme.

The rhyme scheme is irregular, with some end rhymes (“laugh”/“have”, “fete”/“eat”) and some lines that do not rhyme, which may be a deliberate choice to mirror the disruption of the day’s events. However, the meter is inconsistent, and this sometimes interrupts the poem’s flow. For example, the transition from the second to the third stanza feels abrupt, particularly with the rhetorical question, which could be more smoothly integrated.

The emotional arc is clear, moving from anticipation and playfulness to regret and loss. The final stanza’s reference to a “birthday present from the fates” and the absence of “birthday cake to eat” effectively conveys the sense of a ruined celebration, though the phrase “while waiting for the fete” is somewhat ambiguous and could be clarified for greater impact.

Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its vivid depiction of a formative, painful memory and its use of familiar warnings to highlight the consequences of childhood actions. Greater attention to rhythmic consistency and transitions between stanzas could enhance the poem’s cohesion and emotional resonance.

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through your poem, I have learned something new about you... and I am once again amazed at your resilience with what life hands you! What happened after, with the other boy?

sorry I have been away for awhile getting my own emotional whacks. Christmas/Yule has not been good for me for the past few years. Not to mention an earlier history. 

all the same, I enjoyed your poem, love ya'all Cat 

Hello, Geezer,

I've heard bits and pieces of this story through the years - a definite life changing moment - but never the entire detail.  So sorry! You seem to handle it well. I hope you have at least had birthday cake since then.

Thank you!

L

I am glad I came back for another read through of this piece (and read your comments too)

Earlier in my life, I had the birthday blues. Things that happened to me that were lamentable; broken glasses one year and lost dog the next. A good friend died in an accident.  I was given a really bad diagnosis (bad for me) by my Obgyn. I asked him to be honest with me, he told me that I probably would not make it through the surgical operation to remove all my reproductive organs: a complete hysterectomy. I was in poor physical health at that time. Then a minor accident I was stopped at a light and the person behind me hit me. I was in the car that a friend was driving when we were rear ended. My neck and back were damaged. and several other various incidents. For the last 40 years my birthdays have been mostly incident free. I hope yours will be kind to you.