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Rula
Rula
Jun 23, 2013 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature
This poem is part of the workshop:

THE THEORY OF RELATIVITY (poetically speaking) Beginning

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Make it Brief ( final re-write of relativity workshop)

He portrays,
demonstrates,
and illustrates,
in mother nature
what you need
to naturally
imitate,

then you live
in love
and peace.

God

— Rula, Jun 23, 2013

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

More from this author

Critiques

Rula

Rula

13 years 1 month ago

thank you Mark

I've changed the pronoun from "I" to "you" , do you feel more invited then?

Ian.T

Ian.T

13 years 1 month ago

Rula

Talking to the other person is fine though at the end it would sound better to be "With God" as aposed to just God.
An extract from your thoughts, yours Ian.T

Rula

Rula

13 years 1 month ago

so relatively

speaking, we can never immerse every reader in every piece written whatever changes done, can we?

Adding "with" next to "God" changes my meaning intended.

S

scribbler

13 years ago

Hi Rula

A definate improvement on the original. Had you thought of using "we" instead of "you"? By including yourself it might not sound so much like a sermon. But it Is your poem lol. ....................stan

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