Love

Love pierces the broken heart into a thousand pieces
My love, the continuous blood that is flowing
Knowing I lost the chance
Knowing I can’t get it back
The stained blood on the carpet
The imprint of my love
I was at war with love
Love has won
And took my soul…

About This Poem

Last Few Words: What love has done to me in the past...

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Comments

the_fool

12 years 9 months ago

i'm going to be very honest

this is very cliche. it lacks any personal reference making it very general. what makes this poem specifically about u? it could be about anyone. beware of being vague.
there have been countless love and heartbreak poems making it difficult to sound different or original.
this piece SOUNDS good but the content itself seems empty.

posting ur first piece takes guts and it's the first step to improving ur craft so keep 'em coming. i look forward to seeing what else u got.

t_f

weirdelf

12 years 9 months ago

Welcome again to Neopoet

glad to see you posting.

Ambitious, tackling the single most used topic in poetry with the single most used title. I'm sorry that I have to agree with Fool on this one. Have you read much poetry? Reading the works of the masters is the best way to learn what has been done before and avoid the pitfalls of cliche.

It would be a good idea to fill out your profile a bit more so we can see where you are coming from in order to better help you with your craft.

Frenchf

12 years 9 months ago

The concept that love wins!

And therefore by rights we have lost!
Keep at it
taking the grand masters comments as helpful critiques