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A

Litany for the Unheld

Were you coerced—

We all do what we must.

into forgetting me?

Some memories are too loud.

Was it a vow?

It was survival.

To trade my soul

You were born screaming,

for silence?

Or was it mercy—

I needed quiet.

the kind you confuse

with absence?

Do demons feed on tears,

Don’t be cruel.

or is pain something only just you dine on?

Did you always?

I scraped with splinters.

You asked too much.

You slept in love and warmth.

You burned like a match.

You turned away.

I closed my eyes.

Am I not enough,

You were everything.

or always too much?

And nothing I could hold.

You saw yourself in me—

That’s what frightens me most.

But I’m not your mirror.

Are you not?

I’m not you.

But it's me your shadow carries.

Not a child.

Not alive.

Not gone either.

Although you shouldn't  have been at all.

Then who am I?

Something I have never known

You haven’t even tried.

So tell me—

We've been here before.

What color,

else than red,

Did you expect I'll bleed?

One which won't spoil,

The sheets.

— Ari_54, May 15, 2026

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

3 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem employs a dialogic structure, alternating between direct questions and italicized responses, which creates a sense of internal interrogation or a conversation between two intimately connected but divided selves. The structure is effective in conveying emotional complexity and ambiguity, as the voices blur between accuser and accused, child and parent, self and shadow.

The poem’s strengths lie in its use of fragmentation and repetition. The recurring motifs of memory, absence, and the body (“born screaming,” “bleed,” “splinters,” “burned like a match”) reinforce the sense of trauma and longing. The italicized responses often subvert or complicate the questions, refusing closure and deepening the emotional tension.

There is a deliberate ambiguity around the identities of the speakers. Lines like “You saw yourself in me— / That’s what frightens me most” and “But it’s me your shadow carries” suggest themes of inheritance, projection, and unresolved grief. The poem resists resolution, ending on a note that is both visceral and enigmatic: “One which won’t spoil, / The sheets.” This closing image ties together the motifs of blood, shame, and the desire for erasure or cleanliness.

For further development, consider the following:

- The poem’s emotional register is consistently intense, with little variation in tone or pacing. Introducing moments of stillness or quieter reflection could heighten the impact of the more charged exchanges. - Some lines (“Do demons feed on tears, / or is pain something only just you dine on?”) verge on abstraction. Clarifying the imagery or grounding it in more concrete detail could increase their emotional resonance. - The interplay between the two voices is compelling, but at times the distinction between them becomes blurred. If intentional, this ambiguity works; if not, consider ways to further differentiate the voices, perhaps through diction or rhythm. - The poem’s structure—short, isolated lines—mirrors the sense of fragmentation and disconnection. However, the pacing could be varied by occasionally allowing the voices to expand into longer phrases or sentences, which might provide contrast and deepen the sense of loss.

Overall, the poem’s form and content are well-matched, and the use of repetition and echo creates a haunting, unresolved atmosphere. Further attention to tonal variation and specificity of imagery could enhance its emotional impact.

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