Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Nov 21, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Legend of a common mouse!
An old house mouse
climbed up grandfathers clock
It perched atop it
to take in the view
There was no one to stop it
from peering around
On the floor a cat sat lazily
waiting and watching
It's snack would
eventually come down.
Mr. mouse never returned
it crawled through a crack in the wall
Infuriated that old cat
kept prowling, but it never
found that old mouse
Hungrily it stalked off to pout
That old mouse had fooled
the old feline
The mouse crept safely
back to it's home in the wall
There was never a
happier house mouse
It went back
to it's burrow unharmed
It's exploits soon
became legendary,
That old cat was
so incredibly stupid.
That it never was able
to find that furry little thing.
Insatiably it tried to capture it,
but that old critter was never found!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just a something funny to write. If anyone has ideas to improve this, pease message me back.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem tells a narrative in a straightforward, almost fable-like style, focusing on the dynamic between a clever mouse and a frustrated cat. The structure is loose, with short stanzas and lines that create a sense of pacing appropriate for a tale of suspense and escape.
The poem’s diction is simple and accessible, which suits the subject matter and tone. However, the narrative could benefit from more vivid sensory detail to heighten the tension and bring the setting to life. For example, describing the creak of the clock, the glint in the cat’s eye, or the texture of the wall could immerse the reader more fully in the scene.
The use of repetition—“that old mouse,” “that old cat”—gives the poem a folktale rhythm, but the repetition could be more purposeful. As it stands, it sometimes feels redundant rather than reinforcing a theme or mood.
There are some inconsistencies in punctuation and grammar. For instance, “It’s snack would / eventually come down” should use “Its” (possessive), not “It’s” (contraction for “it is”). Similarly, line breaks occasionally disrupt the flow without adding emphasis or meaning, such as in “That it never was able / to find that furry little thing.” Consider whether enjambment is serving the narrative or simply fragmenting it.
The ending attempts humor or a moral by labeling the cat “incredibly stupid,” but this shift in tone is abrupt and less subtle than the rest of the poem. The poem might be stronger if it trusted the narrative to convey the mouse’s cleverness and the cat’s frustration without explicit judgment.
Overall, the poem’s narrative arc is clear, but the emotional stakes and imagery could be deepened. Attention to line breaks, punctuation, and word choice would help the poem achieve greater cohesion and resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
4 months 4 weeks ago
Legend...
Hello, John,
A fun, light read. I can almos hear your voice as you tell the story.
Thank you!
L