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Sep 07, 2022
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leaving you, breaking me
maybe we will never find our way back into each others hearts
and I don't believe we ever will, at least not voluntarily
I left you and you broke me
we were both not ready for the possibility
and we will never be
you weren't ready then and I'm not ready now
you could say people thought we were meant to be
but we were far from that
we were just people who cross paths and nothing more
sure I have you back in my life and you don't have the power to break me
not as much
but we will not be in each others hearts
we may have a piece but we will never fully submerge again
as we've seen what the waves of disastrous moments can lead to
me leaving you and you breaking me
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
Jackweb
3 years 1 month ago
Welcome aboard!
Relationships sometimes is a long journey we wouldn't know where it ends. But on the long run; we could notice it's uncertainties and danger on the way, and the best way to avoid crashing and breaking of one's heart is to have a "U" turn.
Thought brilliantly crafted from insight, Excellent!!!
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Geezer
3 years 1 month ago
I like the...
theme, it's just that you seem to use many more words than you need to. I think that if you stick around and read more works, you will find that you can condense a piece and make it much more coherent without using so many words. For example:
Maybe we will never find our way
back into each other's hearts
I don't think we ever will
I left when you broke me
We were not ready for the possibility
maybe we will never be
You weren't ready then
and I'm not ready now
I am not a big fan of the no capitalization thing and while I don't say that it's wrong,
it makes me feel strange to write in such a manner. I am slowly getting used to the
idea of not using much in the way of punctuation, and maybe someday... I will be okay with the capitals.
There is not much to your pacing, pattern and no rhyme.
I feel that your beginning was a little muddled, but the ending much better as I gained a sense of what you were writing about. In choosing the [not actively editing] mode, you are essentially saying that you don't feel like you will change anything and leave it alone, despite having advice given to you. No one here is ever told that they must accept advice and change their work, but unless you are prepared to use at least some of it, I don't see you learning anything. This has a lot of potential and I would like to see you make something of it. ~ Geezer.
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