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Sep 24, 2025
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Lazarus Love
We collided somewhere in the shadows.
We spawned a love destined for the gallows.
And somewhere in-between
My treachery and your sweet sweet sin
Came to life our own little world
And it was all too beautiful to behold
It died before it gave all it could give.
It died so ghosts could once more live.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: The ex came back.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem "Lazarus Love" explores themes of love, betrayal, and death with a dark, almost gothic tone. The imagery of collision in shadows and a love "destined for the gallows" effectively sets a mood of doomed passion. The contrast between "treachery and sweet sweet sin" adds complexity, suggesting a relationship fraught with moral ambiguity.
The phrase "our own little world" provides a moment of intimacy amid the darkness, but the subsequent lines reveal the inevitable demise of this world. The final couplet, "It died so ghosts could once more live," is evocative and open to interpretation, though it could benefit from clearer connection to the preceding lines to enhance its impact.
Consider varying the rhythm and line length to create a more dynamic flow; currently, the poem reads with a somewhat uniform cadence that could be enlivened by strategic pauses or enjambment. Additionally, some phrases, such as "sweet sweet sin," might gain from more original or nuanced expression to avoid cliché.
Overall, the poem presents a compelling narrative of tragic love but could deepen its emotional resonance through more precise imagery and varied poetic structure.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
6 months 4 weeks ago
And the ghost...
of love past, kills the love of present! I don't get the sense of joy, when the ex-came back. Kind of like the old one came back just to derail the new one. I'm hoping that you are happier than that. It leaves me with the feeling that you wish there had been more time to explore the new, and maybe... just maybe, the old one might have been disappointed in the reception she would have gotten. Made me feel the story. ~ Geez.
.
Words Ablaze
6 months 4 weeks ago
But I do get why u think I…
But I do get why u think I was happy after the ex came, probably because of the lines.....
"And somewhere in between
Treachery and sweet sweet sin
Came to life our own little world
And it was all too beautiful to behold"
You see what happened was, the treachery here was done by me and the girl getting together in the first place (because she was my friend's ex to begin with so I kinda betrayed him) that's why the joy kind of comes right after the treachery.
So yes I did the treachery of falling in love with a buddy's ex. Of which I swiftly got punished for. Biblically karmic don't you think?
Words Ablaze
6 months 4 weeks ago
I think something might've…
I think something might've confused you ..my joy here was pre the ex coming back( take note that it's her ex not my ex) She went back to her old boyfriend. You got it right when you say I wished I had more time with her just to see what this new beautiful world of ours had to offer. And yes, I'm a lot happier than I sound. Thanxs for reading bud.
Lavender
6 months 4 weeks ago
Lazarus Love
Sweet, sweet sin! Mixed in with treachery, no less. Regrets? Yes/No?
This feels like a closure, in a sense. A cleansing of the heart and mind. Clarity.
I'm glad you are well!
L
Words Ablaze
6 months 4 weeks ago
In many ways it is about…
In many ways it is about clarity and come to think of it... acceptance too. Thanxs for reading, L.