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Edna Sweetlove
Edna Sweetlove
Jan 06, 2020 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Land of the Free Shooters, Home of the Killers

Old Abraham Lincoln one fine sunny day
Stopped a bullet whilst watching a play
And all the people just wanted to know
How much his poor wife had enjoyed the show.

J F Kennedy with his insatiable fat phallus
Went for a drive one day in the city of Dallas;
But then Mr Oswald picked up a gun
And shot him stone dead for a nice bit of fun.

M L King climbed up onto his rostrum
To deliver a well-meaning tedious nostrum;
He told his brothers that he'd had a dream,
But a well-aimed bullet put paid to that scheme.

Murders and mayhem, what's in a name?
The victims are many, that's the name of the game;
The right to bear arms, so dear to some folk,
Is really no more than a sick, sick, sick joke

Bang! Bang! Bang! go the guns and the rifles;
School killings, street gunfights, American trifles
Send thousands each year to a premature rest;
Just remember the gun lobby really knows best.

This year's brought a new threat to us all
Slaying a general was such a dumb call;
Trump's violence lacks reason or cause
The numbskull's bent on a new wave of wars.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: EDNA'S INSPIRATION FOR THIS POEM:- The demented US president is putting thousands of lives at risk by ordering the cowardly drone murder of an Iranian national hero and a senior Iraqi soldier, plus their unfortunate entourage; Trump's understanding of politics is on a level with the cognitive powers of the average potato. Sickeningly he appears willing to do anything to try and distract attention from his impeachment and his repeated abuse of power. Roll on November 2020 when hopefully sanity will return to the USA's electorate.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: London, Culture Capital of the World

Favorite Poets: Siegfried Sassoon, Wilfred Owen, Rupert Brooke, Chaucer, Shakespeare to name but a few. And VERY IMPORTANTLY: Erich Fried, a leftwing Austrian of Jewish ancestry who fled the Nazis and became a British citizen in 1949., And, other writers (non-poets mainly): Raymond Chandler, Irvine Welsh, Anthony Burgess, Graham Greene, Charles Bukowski, John le Carré, Anthony Horowitz, Mick Herron, Margaret Attwood, Edna O'Brian, Maeve Binchy., Writers who I find vastly over-rated: TS Eliot, Virgina Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Phil Larkin, E.A. Poe, A. Ginsburg, Longfellow, Gerald Manley Hopkins (actually I LOATHE Hopkins more than damson-dappled words can say).

More from this author

Comments

S

scribbler

5 years 9 months ago

Far,far more people are killed here each year by the lack of

driving skills exhibited by illegal aliens than by all firearms deaths combined. And far more lives are Saved by legal arms bearers then are taken by criminals. Just the other day in Texas a church member shot and killed a whacko inside the church who opened fire on the congregation for no apparent reason. So peddle your stupid ideas to somebody else. Now on to the poem minus its message. You were doing fine with the rhyme right up to the last stanza. Perhaps you broke rhyme in order to enhance the message? If not then a bit more thought could be given to come up wit a word or line which maintained the rhyme in the rest of the poem........stan

Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

Oh fucking dear.

To say more people are killed in driving accidents in the USA than are killed by guns seems to me to be utterly stupid and totally irrelevant. And to compound this error by suggesting these accidents are caused by illegal immigrants is beyond belief. And even if such a crazily Trumpian claim were based in fact (which it's not) of what relevance would it be to the point of the poem that the USA is in love with violence and murder? I suppose it is quite likely that Americans generally are bad drivers - after all, some silly American cow drove on the wrong side of the road in England last year and killed an innocent English motor-cyclist. She then fled the country, pleading diplomatic immunity - diplomatic immunity for a spy's wife who kills young men? Fuck me, the special relationship looks like shit to me.

Let's see: I understand c.30,000 people are shot each year in the USA. Are you seriously suggesting that over 30,000 people are killed on American roads by illegal immigrants? Are you seriously suggesting that members of church congregations save 30,000 lives p.a. by shooting people? Fuck me, am I living in a mad world?

And your last point, that I "broke rhyme" in the final stanza...
"The New Year's brought a new threat to us all
Slaying a general was such a dumb call;
Trump's violence lacks reason or cause
The fat sod's bent on a new wave of wars."

As far as I can see 'all' rhymes with 'call' and 'cause' rhymes with 'wars'. If you meant metre rather than rhyme I might well plead guilty, but kindly suggest an improvement.. Is your comment here what passes for "critique"???

Best wishes for a prosperous New Year without too many more political murders,

S

scribbler

5 years 9 months ago

lol

Cause rhymes with war..........poor ol' thing

S

scribbler

5 years 9 months ago

BTW

I am sorry your hero was killed.....NOT!

Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

No.

What a STUPID comment.

I am sickened you REVEL in murder. But then, that seems to be a grand ol' 'mercan tradition, from Wilkes onwards via Capone to Truman & Trump.

Geezer

Geezer

5 years 9 months ago

You did...

break rhyme with the cause [kaws] vs wars [warrrrrrs]. I don't care if the "Queen's English" has such a terrible accent, it doesn't fly here. ~ Geezer.
.
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Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

Total bollocks.

"Cause" rhymes with "wars", Full stop. If you think otherwise, you're dim. What sort of peasant accent do you speak with?

Happy New Year and stop with this crap. What sort of "critique" does whining like that got to do with anything?
.

Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

Pronunciation

As a matter of interest, if in your opinion "cause" and "wars" don't rhyme, I would love to know how YOU pronounce these words. I pronounce "wars" as WORZ and "cause" as CORZ. Similarly "laws", "pours", "soars" and "whores" (that's 5 different spellings to yield "...ORZ").

If you had pointed out the dodgy rhyming of "phallus" and "Dallas", then I would have had to put my hands up, though.

Best wishes and no hard feelings at all, at all.
.

Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

To Obadiah:

Sadly, it seems to be the case. However I have no intention of getting into an insult-swapping contest. Since I feel my intellect is superior to someone who calls someone else a moron because they disagree with them, I shall not stoop to conquer.
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Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

To Scribbler:

How fucking witty. I have no intention of descending to the level you wish this chat to go to.
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Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 9 months ago

Hmmmm.

That's quite a good reply.
I suggest we stop being rude to each other.
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Edna Sweetlove

Edna Sweetlove

5 years 4 months ago

The positioning of the posting

... "And I pronounce...This comment should be beneath you" on the page makes it unclear to whom it is addressed. I'd be grateful if you could amend it to show the name of the person to whom you're speaking!
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