Jasmine

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem handles a genuinely difficult emotional territory — the pull between gratitude and justice, between an interior chaos and an exterior emptiness — and several lines carry real weight. "My past, wrung out, dripping away" is a strong image, physical and precise in a way that earns its place. The closing couplet lands with quiet determination, and the contrast between "within" and "without" in the fourth stanza is conceptually interesting, suggesting a self that is turbulent inside and hollow in its effect on the world.

The poem's main challenge is that its imagery sometimes points in several directions at once without quite resolving into a coherent emotional logic. "He spills and he spills 'til he's empty / To settle unspeakable debts" introduces a third figure whose role remains unclear — the abruptness of this shift pulls the reader away from the speaker's interiority without giving them enough to anchor to. Similarly, "I'm filling their pockets with stones" is a striking line, but it arrives without enough context to know whether this is an act of harm, burden, or something else entirely. The poem might benefit from committing more fully to one controlling image — jasmine, tides, stones — and letting that image carry more of the emotional logic, rather than moving quickly between several. Right now the accumulation of images feels like it is working around something rather than directly through it, and slowing down to develop one thread more fully could give the poem the clarity its emotional stakes deserve.

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This is great girl I love it it’s beautifully written great job

I enjoyed this read. Great picture painting with your words! 

I have read this a few times and have no suggestions to offer. Well done.

Welcome to Neopoet!! I hope to see you in the chatroom! We are planning to have themed rooms starting in July, hope to see you joining in! I'm usually in there after 10pm.

Live, Love & Laugh

(and don't forget to Write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink