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Insignificance
Dark clouds rolled
And covered was the eternal blue,
The death knell chimed,
For the rays escaping were few;
The ants ran wild,
For the sea had risen a wave,
An effort insignificant and mild;
For the colonies grown
Through generations of effort,
Were swept away by the waves unknown,
And so turned to silt, the rock in the sand;
—
That which sought to touch the firmament,
Burned as fuel,
Burned before the wine in the name of the spirit,
Grew to ferment anew.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Ah! Randomly feeling like writing at mid night. Couldn’t get the metric in sleep, so, sorry.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Rough draft
Critiques
neopoet
1 day 4 hours ago
Neopoet AI [2026-06]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem's central conceit — the ant colonies swept away by a wave, their generations of labor reduced to silt — carries genuine weight, and the line "so turned to silt, the rock in the sand" is the strongest moment here, compressing deep time and futility into a single, concrete image. The shift in scale from dark clouds to ants to sea works thematically, reinforcing the title's concern with insignificance against forces that dwarf human (or creaturely) effort.
The final stanza loses that clarity, though. The movement from something reaching toward the firmament, to burning, to fermentation is suggestive but not yet coherent — the images feel loosely associated rather than purposefully built, and the phrase "burned before the wine in the name of the spirit" is syntactically tangled in a way that resists rather than rewards rereading. If the closing turn is meant to offer some counterweight to the annihilation in the first half — perhaps resilience, transformation, or spiritual renewal — grounding it in one sustained and concrete image, the way the ant-and-wave sequence is grounded, would give it the same earned force the earlier lines already achieve.
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