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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopet Weekly 07/26/26 to 08/01/26

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If

If my soul is a piece of my artwork...
Then what's left when the canvas is torn?


If my soul is a piece of my artwork
And my soul is a part of my mind
And my mind is a part of my body
But my body is no longer mine


I walk through this world like a stranger
Paint smudged on a page that won’t dry
They tell me to look in the mirror
But I swear I’m just watching you die


If I bleed through these verses, will you read me?
If I scream in the dark, will you see me?
If I burn down my truth just to free it
Would you hold me, or turn when you see it?


If my words do not end up on paper
And these feelings are nothing but lies
And my tears turn to ashes and anger
I’m left with no reason to try


No pen in my hand, just a burden
A silence that sharpens with time
They told me the pain had a purpose
But mine just forgot how to rhyme


If my heart and my body remember
And my mind is too scarred to forget
I swallow the shame that I carry
Don’t stop until nothing is left


I walk with my past in my shadow
It clings like a coat made of shame
Each breath feels like wading through water
Each step is a ghost calling my name


You said love was more than survival
But I never learned how to heal
They said time would come like a tidal
But the waves just taught me to kneel


If my soul is a piece of my artwork...
Then maybe I’m more than the pain I survived.

— Yumpy, Jul 31, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This piece was originally written as a song, so it carries a musical rhythm beneath the lines. I adapted it into a poem, but the lyric pulse is still part of how the emotions move through it.

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

2 weeks 1 day ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2026-06]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The conditional framework announced by the title does real structural work here. The poem opens and closes on the same "If my soul is a piece of my artwork" line, and the shift in what follows that line—from the question "what's left when the canvas is torn?" to the tentative "maybe I'm more than the pain I survived"—gives the piece a genuine arc. The return is earned rather than merely tidy, because the intervening stanzas have accumulated enough weight that the closing turn reads as hard-won rather than automatic.

The second stanza's chain of logic is one of the poem's strongest moments. Moving from soul to mind to body and then breaking that chain with "But my body is no longer mine" enacts dissociation through syntax rather than simply describing it. The reader arrives at the rupture at the same moment the speaker does. This is more effective than statements elsewhere that name feelings directly.

The image of "Paint smudged on a page that won't dry" carries the artwork motif into physical detail, and "a coat made of shame" gives an abstraction a texture that can be worn and felt. These concrete moments are where the poem breathes.

Some lines lean on abstraction where the sharper images nearby show what the poem is capable of. "And these feelings are nothing but lies" and "I swallow the shame that I carry" state the emotional content directly rather than letting an image carry it. Given how well "wading through water" and "a ghost calling my name" render heaviness and haunting, these flatter lines could be revised toward the same specificity.

One craft point worth flagging concerns the rhyme in the "You said love was more than survival" stanza. "Survival" and "tidal" are stretched toward each other as rhymes, and "tidal" is left grammatically incomplete—"time would come like a tidal" seems to want "tidal wave," with "wave" arriving only in the next line. The rhyme scheme appears to be forcing the word choice here, and the sentence suffers for it. Reworking this so the tidal image completes itself naturally, even at the cost of the exact rhyme, would strengthen the stanza.

The line "But mine just forgot how to rhyme" is a clever moment of self-awareness, the poem commenting on its own means. It works because it is placed against genuine despair rather than used to deflect from it. That balance is a delicate thing to maintain, and the poem manages it.

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John Leslie O'Kelley

John Leslie O'Kelley

2 weeks 1 day ago

If?

You are definately more than the pain you survived. and your writing is living proof of the truth!

Tink

Tink

2 weeks ago

Howdy! It's me, Tink

Holy Crap! 

What an incredibly raw, deep, emotional, thought provoking, and unbelievable piece of work! You make your reader think. Reflect. Evaluate. Accept. Learn.

Take the bow, my fellow poet. You have a standing ovation here!

WELL DONE!

Live, Love, Laugh 

(and don't forget to Write!!)

Yours in Ink,

Tink

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