"I Don't Want to Sleep Yet"

My Dear, every time I tell you to go to bed early
My heart breaks too; so sad seeing you
fade slowly like a candle dying its light.

Oh, My Love, how I wish to see you more,
chat with you longer, stare at you endlessly.
Seeing you forlorn bleeds my heart no end.

Today is neither ours to have nor to enjoy
But waiting patiently is the right course for sure.
No way to be idle, we'll love each other forevermore.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: canada

Comments

Geezer

3 years 7 months ago

I don't want...

Is this Internet love?
I get the feeling that it is.
The language is good, and the pacing done well.
If the theme is as I've said, it reads perfectly.
The beginning and the end are fine, with the ending being
a resolution to do it right.

If it is your intent to make this an ambiguous poem, it works.
~ Geezer.
.

williej

3 years 7 months ago

Thanks for your encouraging

Thanks for your encouraging comments--Willie

Candlewitch

3 years 7 months ago

hello!

I agree with Geezer's comments. it does feel like internet love...however love happens is all good! there is also a trace of sorrow here...

*hugs, Cat