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The Hollow that Filled Up the Winter Air
A need spawned a late night journey
that I cared not, really to make;
night's shadows were lined up, silently
lying in wait for evening's chill, to take.
Crooked fingers reaching for the sky
trees silhouetted against the night,
though late, I still needed to visit the mart
so off I walked, with the moon shining bright.
The air out, was really "hollow", and "cold"
much cooler than earlier, that day;
I had to hurry before the night grew too old
and other creatures could arrive out, to play.
I'm not superstitious, or afraid of the dark
I trust my senses, utterly, and exclusively;
but, something happened that was quite, eerily "stark"
on that night, in the dark, at around three.
I sensed a lone presence, just out of range
of something my eye couldn't "spy";
I never did see it, but it was sooo strange
there was anguish in it's horrible, cry!
Then, this thing started running ever so swift
and the direction it headed....was mine!
A vehicle passed, so I flagged for a "lift"
but, I wasn't treated nearly, so kind!
I arrived at the market, and squeezed through the door
this market was open all night,
there wasn't a soul in the entire store
but, it sure felt good to be bathed in the "light"!
I paid for my purchases, and I turned to the night
but comfortable, I just could not feel;
my senses were telling me, all was not right
and then, danger....suddenly felt, "real"!
One may just consider that, it was quite late
and I might've been tired from my day;
but I like to think that, I just cheated "fate"!
by hurrying, and getting out of it's way!
Several weeks later we had a full moon
and was reminded what could've been my plight,
it cried out again, and it was way too soon
to be reminded of my "close call", that night.
I count all my blessings, fate's smiled on me
I squeaked by, by the hairs on my head;
where I almost got eaten, I lived to go free
I could've been hurt.......or worse; "dead"!
What troubles me more than, what gave me "chase"
is what "vacuumed", and "hollowed" the air?
I go out, sometimes.......just to save "face"
but, you try going out late..........if you dare!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
scribbler
14 years 7 months ago
hi Doc
I think what was pursuing you was Oct. 31 lol. An enjoyable tale of "the behindyas"................stan
docmaverick
14 years 7 months ago
Thanx, Stan....
...I just didn't know what it was called. "The behindyas".......I rather like that.
doc.
Ian.T
13 years 6 months ago
Doc
You wait till Geezer sees this one LOL he will probably tell you that a certain person was just passing through.
Your Title of:- "The Hollow that Filled Up the Winter Air" it sounds wrong can I suggest taking the "Up" out and putting an " 's" on the end of Winter ??
This ran smoothly and was fun to read, Yours Ian.T
judyanne
13 years 6 months ago
a fun write doc
a fun write doc
enjoyable rhythm and rhyme
one tiny thin (imo)
with
‘lying in wait for evening's chill, to take’
- reverse syntax, sounds awkward
can I suggest?
‘to take evening's chill, lying in wait’
also
by hurrying, and getting out of it's way!’ - its – no apostrophe
I really like the use of internal rhyme throughout
- especially the repeat and the rhyme in
‘I'm not superstitious, or afraid of the dark
I trust my senses, utterly, and exclusively;
but, something happened that was quite, eerily "stark"
on that night, in the dark, at around three’
love judy
xxx