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This poem is part of the challenge:

04/26 Hidden Charges

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Hidden Charges

Three percent
Is what you must now pay
Because you do not want to use cash
That piece of plastic that allows you to buy more
Truly becomes a real burden
After paying the price
You pay more

— Clentin, Apr 29, 2026

About This Poem

Last Few Words: A Triquain about the price of using a credit card!

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA Pennsylvania, USA

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Critiques

neopoet

neopoet

1 month ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem addresses the theme of hidden costs associated with credit card usage, focusing on the irony of convenience leading to additional burdens. The opening line, “Three percent / Is what you must now pay,” establishes the subject directly and succinctly. The poem’s structure is free verse, with line breaks that generally follow the progression of thought rather than a strict rhythmic or syllabic pattern.

The poem’s strength lies in its clarity and topical relevance. The language is straightforward, which suits the subject matter. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid imagery or figurative language to deepen the reader’s engagement. For example, the phrase “that piece of plastic that allows you to buy more” is literal; employing metaphor or sensory detail could make the poem more evocative. The line “Truly becomes a real burden” tells rather than shows—consider illustrating the burden through a concrete image or comparison.

The poem’s ending, “After paying the price / You pay more,” effectively encapsulates the poem’s central irony, but it may be more impactful if the poem built toward this conclusion with escalating tension or surprise.

Consider experimenting with line breaks and pacing to heighten the sense of accumulation or frustration. Additionally, exploring the emotional or psychological effects of these hidden charges, rather than just the transactional aspect, could add depth.

Overall, the poem presents a clear critique of credit card fees but could be strengthened by more inventive language and imagery.

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Geezer

Geezer

1 month 1 week ago

I'm getting to know...

the form rather well, and without seeing your designation of a Triquain, managed to understand it quickly. Nice stuff, Clentin.~ Geez.

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