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Oct 24, 2025
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Hello hello hello
Hello hello hello
God is risen today
And he is now
Alive for us
Yes God is our savior
He is the one
Who had cured the sick today
With his holy hands
The sick people had been sick
For a long time
Some people he could not cured
Any more because they had a sickness
That was chronical
So my Father
Shut their bodies down
And first they shut their eyes
Than they were gasping for air
They no longer could breath
So they took the last breath
And they finally died
It was sad for their families
To see them die
They also cried a lot
Now the children
Started to grieve
I don't know how long
They will grieve
Every body grieves different
Also they pray for their dead ones
Every single night
Yes now they been missing
Their loved ones for a long time
They wished that they were still here
To see them
Grow old
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo Kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem adopts a direct and unembellished approach to its subject matter, focusing on themes of faith, mortality, and grief. The structure is largely linear, moving from the resurrection of God to the healing of the sick, and ultimately to the inevitability of death and the subsequent mourning process.
The poem’s diction is plain and conversational, which can create a sense of sincerity and accessibility. However, the lack of figurative language or imagery results in a narrative that is more expository than evocative. The repetition of “hello” in the title and opening line suggests an attempt at invocation or emphasis, but this motif is not developed further in the poem, which may leave its purpose unclear.
The poem’s treatment of death is straightforward, describing physical symptoms and the emotional aftermath in literal terms. While this can be effective for clarity, it may limit the emotional resonance or depth that more nuanced language could provide. The lines describing the process of dying (“first they shut their eyes / Than they were gasping for air”) are clinical, and the transition to the families’ grief is abrupt, lacking connective tissue that might deepen the reader’s engagement.
There are several grammatical and syntactic inconsistencies (“could not cured,” “breath” instead of “breathe,” “than” instead of “then,” “every body” instead of “everybody”), which may distract from the poem’s intent. Attention to these details could strengthen the overall impact.
The poem’s perspective shifts from a collective (“they,” “their”) to a first-person singular (“I don’t know how long / They will grieve”), which introduces a personal note but may also disrupt the narrative consistency. Clarifying the speaker’s position could enhance cohesion.
Overall, the poem presents its themes clearly but could benefit from more vivid imagery, attention to language, and a more consistent narrative voice to deepen its emotional and poetic effect.
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