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toni sears2
toni sears2
Feb 05, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

He Changed Me

The man upstairs has changed my life a work that was originally started from within
I really don't think about what my world was like or how things could have been
Jesus has been my major supporter not a BFF he has really been a good friend
If I leave this earth tomorrow there is one thing I know for sure
How great the Lord has been to me my rock, my shelter, my protector
I will have no doubts about this in the end.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

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Comments

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 8 months ago

The content is total anathema to me,

I'll just critique the prosody, ok?

Using long lines is a great idea, and poetically ambitious. These lines could be split though

The man upstairs has changed my life
a work that was originally started from within
I really don't think about what my world was like
or how things could have been
Jesus has been my major supporter
not a BFF he has really been a good friend [I normally hate text abbreviations but BFF works in context]
If I leave this earth tomorrow there is one thing I know for sure
How great the Lord has been to me
my rock, my shelter, my protector
I will have no doubts about this in the end.

Do you agree this runs better? Read it with these line breaks and see how there is no rhythm (meter) established. If you edited a few words to make the lines a similar length, you could then maybe find a rhythm.
Perhaps the last line could be stronger too, that's up to you, given the content, which is to me like making a BFF of the Easter Bunny.

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 8 months ago

I will never get over losing my best friend

It shattered me and I am learning from it. Life goes on for a while. No mythical being has anything to do with it.

How would you react to a normal seeming person who insisted that 3=1? Probably the same way I react to theists. They are silly and wrong. I'm an intolerant atheist, with very good reasons and evidence. First and foremost, regarding the middle-eastern religions, christianity, judaism and islam, I reject them utterly for the concept of original sin, the nastiest more pernicious lie ever perpetrated on humanity.

F

Frenchf

12 years 8 months ago

getting over someone is relative

religion is mutated by man who corrupts it to suit his own end
If you select out what is good and decent in all religions they make a lot of good sense.Meant to protect us but some evil paedophilic ar.. h..le comes along and usues it for his own good. Doesnt make the basis of a religion bad!

Ian.T

Ian.T

12 years 8 months ago

Sears

I didn't like this write but that is due to its theme, that someone or something has helped you is fine, therefore what ever helps you to become a better person then that is OK.
If you live a good life amidst all the crap that goes on in this world, then what you have cannot be decried, we just have to accept that everyone has their own God or self belief to pull on no matter whether it is taught or found where ever.
As we grow older we in our wisdom pull on our knowledge of what is good for us, and this most times is good for those around us.
Religion has been used to suppress people for too long, in poetry circles the poets usually are seeking out truths, I wonder what we will find in the end????
Yours Ian.T