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This poem is part of the contest:

09/25 One Pure Emotion

(Read More...)

Happiness Is

Happiness is a drug that removes all worry
Makes old skin shine like new.
Renders the morning more glorious
Shapes the sun into a smiling face
Rivers flow like an endorphin rush,
When ignorance feels ecstatic.

To feel pleasure in just being
A sweet taste of bliss
Higher than the ozone layer,
Pure as a new-born kiss.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Nottinghamshire England, GBR

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 weeks 2 days ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the concept of happiness through vivid sensory imagery and metaphor, likening it to a drug and an endorphin rush. The metaphor of happiness as a drug is compelling, capturing both its intoxicating allure and potential for escapism, especially with the line "When ignorance feels ecstatic." This introduces a subtle tension between genuine joy and blissful unawareness, which could be further developed to deepen the poem's thematic complexity.

The imagery is generally effective: "Makes old skin shine like new" and "Shapes the sun into a smiling face" personify natural elements to convey rejuvenation and warmth. However, some images could benefit from more precision or originality. For example, "Higher than ozone layer" is an interesting choice but might feel abstract or scientific in a way that slightly disrupts the poem’s emotional flow. Clarifying or reimagining this image could enhance its resonance.

The poem’s rhythm is mostly smooth, but the line "When ignorance feels ecstatic" introduces a heavier, more contemplative tone that contrasts with the otherwise light and celebratory mood. This shift is intriguing but could be emphasized more through punctuation or line breaks to highlight the complexity of happiness.

Consider experimenting with line breaks and punctuation to create stronger pauses or emphasis, which would help balance the poem’s contrasting ideas of bliss and ignorance. Additionally, exploring the implications of happiness as a "drug" more explicitly might add depth and invite readers to reflect on the nature of joy and its potential costs.

Overall, the poem succeeds in evoking the sensory and emotional aspects of happiness but could be strengthened by sharpening its imagery and thematic tension.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

3 weeks 2 days ago

You don't know...

how much I wanted this whole thing to rhyme; it just begs for it! But it's not my poem and I will say that it does portray "Happiness" very well. The second stanza makes this poem for me.

"To feel pleasure in just being
A sweet taste of bliss
Higher than ozone layer,
Pure as a new born kiss."

I think that if you are going to make rhyme in this stanza, you should 
even out the meter and add a hyphen to [new-born]. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
.
 

Sen99

Sen99

3 weeks 2 days ago

Thanks for your feedback

I submitted a rhymed one to another prompt 

So a bit of freeverse just hope each line stands as a statement 

Hyphenated is good will update! 

Lavender

Lavender

3 weeks 1 day ago

Happiness Is

Hello, Sen,

I felt the joy in this.  A wonderful, pure emotion, indeed.  I really like the brevity and the sense of appreciation and awareness for the moments of happiness. Lovely language.

Thank you!

L

Sen99

Sen99

3 weeks 1 day ago

Thanks Lavender 🙏

Joy that's the word, we could all do with some in our lives,  glad it spoke to you.

Rula

Rula

3 weeks 1 day ago

Woww!

Great job!

I too believe that happiness is "the" drug that removes all worry.

I like everything about this crisp piece.

I am happy I haven't missed it.

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻 

Sen99

Sen99

3 weeks 1 day ago

Be Happy

😊 thank you Rula

Have a good day !

Sen99

Sen99

1 week 4 days ago

True Bliss

........ is just being, it is a rare feeling

thanks for your comments