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Nov 29, 2013
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Happier days again
When in melancholy
the heart explodes
like a volcano
such words emanate
with love intermingled with sorrow
who knows of a tomorrow
life simply
ebbs
away
day after day
till comes another
happier day
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Artyfax
11 years 10 months ago
Hi ...
I enjoyed most of this poem but found the last two lines "strange" almost out of place. I had to read it several times and the third repetition of "day" in such a short space of time is what is wrong for me.
I also found that the first three lines sounded OK but there was a major step to the rest of the poem. It read OK but when I stopped to try and understand it, to try and put those last lines in their place, I found I did not know where those "words" came from. Were they said by, or to, the subject of the poem. Maybe it doesn't matter? Maybe it does? I am still learning.
loved
11 years 10 months ago
perhaps as you read some more of mine
you will be able to make up ur mind
which way the river should flow