Haiku

Crunch of fresh night frost
welcomes tired old feet back home,
heralding new winter.

— Race_9togo, Nov 08, 2010

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Eastern

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

About the Author

Region, Country: Earth Vicinity (within a five light-year radius), ZZC

Favorite Poets: John Donne, T.S. Eliot, Serendipity, Emily Dickenson, Kailashana, Charles Bukowski, Kabir, Rett, Dalton, W. B. Yeats, William Blake, Rainer Maria Rilke, and many other Neopoet poets; Neopoet has heavily influenced my poetry and my ability to write it well.

Critiques

Geezer

15 years 7 months ago

Haiku...

I would have used a different word, the second time around. [ new ] Maybe just eliminate it altogether?
You did capture the essence of winter for us old folks though. I felt the cold, and heard the crunch of my tired, skittish feet. ~ Gee

Race_9togo

15 years 7 months ago

Geezer

You would have used a different word the second time around?
So would I, but instead I changed the first - the second is needed where it is.
But, thanks for the critique - I didn't realize I had done that until you pointed it out.
Thanks Geezer, I'm glad you liked it.

scribbler

15 years 7 months ago

Haiku

A good example of packing a lot into a few words.........scribbler

Race_9togo

15 years 7 months ago

Thanks Scribbler,

I think I'm finally getting the hang of these haiku.